F-k Sandwiches: Who Am I Pt 1


Chapter I: Pitfalls Work For Once

Ash woke up to smell eggs and bacon. He licked his lips and followed the smell to Brock who was cooking Breakfast. Misty, Tokapi, and Brock had already eatten.

“Pikachu breakfast!” Ash called to Pikachu.


It’s Pika-licious!

Ash sat down on a log and gobbled down some eggs and orange juice. He gave pikachu his bacon. They both ate in a hurry, today they were going to Cerulean city to meet Misty’s sisters and see how they are doing. Misty was real nerous. She hated her snobby sisters and their poke’mon (well, mabe not their poke’mon.)

Yeah. Leave your unjust hatred for just family members please. 

“Cheer up Misty it can’t be that bad.” Ash said between eating.

“Can we please go somewhere else.” Misty said sqeezing her poke’mon (tokapi).

What is it with Brock and Misty in my stories having troubled family lives? Brock hates his father and Misty hates her sisters. And in my latest Pokemon fanfiction I make Ash hate his mom. FULL CIRCLE! 

“Misty, if squeeze Tokapi any more it’s eyes will bust. [Which would be surprisingly graphic for a kid’s show.] Besides we already told them we were coming.” Brock smiled.

“Then retell them!” Misty yelled choking Brock. [That we are coming?]


Team Rocket was prepared this time making another stupid trap.

Even the narrator is getting fed up with the incompetence of Team Rocket.

“Keep digging! this is the only trap that actally works on these brats [aside from the ray gun and accidental cardboard box time machine which worked perfectly well but we refuse to acknowledge in this story].” Jessie yelled.

“Patch up the hole, they are coming!” Meowth yelled.

Team Rocket patched up the hole [Then what was the point of the hole? You mean covered?] and ran into the bushes. The whole group came down the path. Brock, Pikachu, and Tokapi walked right over the trap and kept going down the road.

“You made it too strong!” James hissed at Jessie.

Ash walked half way across, when he turned around. Misty was tring to go the other way. Ash grabbed her and pulled her down the path. Ash and Misty were too heavy.

The fat cows.

“AHHH!” Ash and Misty screamed as the hole apeared under them. The rest of the group was too far ahead to hear them.

Great friends, those. 

“HA, we caught them!” Meowth laughed.


“It’s Team Rocket of course.” Ash frowned.

“Oh, please don’t say your motto. I just took a nap!” Misty yelled at them.

Oh, sick burn.aboishappyplz

“Let Misty go. You don’t want her.” Ash said angerly.

“No way! Since we didn’t catch Pikachu, She will take it’s place. [She looks just like Pikachu, after all! Will totally trick our boss.] We need your poke’mon, then we will use you two as bait to get Pikachu.” Meowth laughed.

Misty looked at Ash, expecting him to get an idea. His mind was blank. 

Oh! It’s started already! Team Rocket’s last comment has sent Ash spiraling into amnesia. 


“Here you go.” James said handing Misty and Ash a sandwitch for lunch through the Bars of the cage. They were now in Team Rocket’s secret cabin. Misty and Ash both looked at each other. Ash droped the plate on the ground and stepped on the sandwitch and gave it back to him.


Lolwat? I love how he just gave it back. Like, here you go! F-k you, btw.

“Well, if you don’t like my cooking you could just tell me!” James sobbed.

James is very proud of his sandwich cooking.

“I had it! You can starve if you two want.” Jessie screamed. “Just don’t come running to us when you get hungry.”

Kind of hard for them to do in a cage.

Ash sat down at the bottom of the cage, his stomach was killing him. He was so mad, that Team Rocket stole his poke’mon, that he wanted to hit something. Instead something hit him.

“Get up! We need to get out of here!” Misty screamed after slapping him on the face.

Damn Misty! You know how sensitive Ash’s brain suddenly is in a story called Who Am I? You are just adding to his impending brain injury! 


Brock, Pikachu and Tokapi were still going down the road when Tokapi was too tired to move on. So Tokapi was expecting to have Misty pick her up, but instead she saw nothing.

“TOKAKI! TOKA!” Tokapi cried. [Togepi smash!]

“Misty will you take care of Tokapi?” Brock called without even turning around.

Tokapi stopped crying and started walking behind Brock again. Pikachu was getting thristy. Pikachu turned around expecting [his vampire thrall to realize he needed his regular intake of blood] Ash to relise Pikachu wanted a drink and give him a sip from his water bottle like always, but he didn’t see Ash.

“Pika! Pikachu!” Pikachu said tugging on Brock pant leg.

Little known fact. Brock’s full name is in fact, Brock Pantleg.

“Not now Pikachu!” Brock said opening the map.

“Pika, Pika, Pika, CHUU!” Pikachu said thunder shocking Brock.

“What is it Pikachu.” Brock muttered.

Only mildly annoyed after being electrocuted… Perhaps Brock as a rock trainer is electricity retardant?

“Pika!” Pikachu said pointing behind them.

“Hey Ash and Misty are gone come on lets go back and look for them.” Brock then disided something. “Maybe we should go to Cerulean city first. We can get help there. It’s only a mile away.” Brock said going up the road.

Yeah. Even though they are probably just down the road, whatever. Let’s keep going. They are probably fine and not kidnapped by TR. Let’s just leisurely continue on our way. It’s not like Ash is going injured somehow.


There’s no cliffs on this road, right? Duhur!


The fire slowly burned out.

“We ran out of fire wood. Me and Meowth will get some more. [It is extremely important that we only leave one person to guard our prisoners.] You stay here and watch them. [It makes sense, shut up.]” Jessie said throwing James the keys. Jessie and Meowth walked out of cabin door quietly.

“James, I feel like one of sandwitches now.” Misty smiled.


She feels like a sandwich?

Ash stared at her like he could almost read her mind. [That makes one of us.] Ash smiled broadly.

“Oh, that’s great! I will be right back.” James smiled walking out of the room [What room? I thought they were camping in the woods… with a campfire]. A few minutes later he came back, “Here!” He said holding them the plate through the cage. [Apparently not though. I scrolled up and saw a brief mention of a cabin door so I guess they are in a cabin somewhere.]

“Thanks!” Misty smiled grabbing on to his wrists. She pulled him forward and made him smack his head on the bars. He fell back, knocked out cold.


Another wasted sandwich.


“You need to teach me that trick someday!” Ash laughed. 

Or you could just, you know, do the same thing she just did in front of you. It’s not really a martial art move. 


Ash grabbed the keys from James pocket and opened the cage door.

“FREE!” Ash and Misty laughed. Misty and Ash both lifted James up and threw him into the cage [Apparently they have super strength now. They did that pretty effortlessly]. They locked the door and threw the keys into the fire place. Ash took a match from his backpack and took some sticks and set the keys on fire.

You know. Cause keys are super flammable.


Misty found all their poke’balls in a box by the fire place and fled the cabin.


“James! What are you doing? Napping on the job?” Jessie yelled waking James up.

“And you wasted a perfectly good sandwitch!” Meowth said taking a huge bite out of the sandwitch.

“Don’t eat that!!!” James and Jessie yelled. [IT IS COVERED IN TWERP FOOT GERMS!] Meowth  swallowed. [In all seriousness though, ew. Don’t eat that.] Meowth suddenly fell fast asleep.


The hell?

“I put sleeping pills in it to make those brats fall asleep, and keep them from running away.


They tricked me and exscaped.” James sighed.

“You Blockhead! I told you to watch them not fall asleep on the job.” Jessie screamed.

We are still on this? Unconscious and sleeping are not the same thing! 

“Sorry!” James wimpered.

“Oh lets just get you out of that cage. By the way, how many pills are in the sandwitch?” Jessie wondered.

“Enough to put Meowth asleep for  months.” James smiled.

So they just effectively put Meowth into a drug induced coma… Good. 

“Great!” Jessie said kicking meowth in the stomach. [Geez! Animal abuse!] “Well, might I as well start the fire.” Jessie said turning towards the fire place. “How did the fire start again?”

“THE KEYS!” James screamed.


THE KEYS!!!!!!111


Next time on WAI (which is the perfect abbreviation for this story)…


Ash and Misty meet up with Brock who has completely forgotten who they are. SURPRISE! It’s actually Brock who got amnesia. Off screen. When no one was paying attention. Figuring this is as a good a reason as any to dump Brock, the two seek out the next nearest comic relief to become the third wheel of their party. 

Misty’s sisters pick up subway sandwiches for dinner. Ash and Misty take one look at each other before stamping the hell out of a couple of footlongs.

Yup. There is no joke here.

Meanwhile, Jessie yells at the comatose Meowth for sleeping on the job. And James tries to figure out how to put out flaming keys despite not even quite knowing how they are on fire in the first place. 


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