Ready? Set! Jump To Your Death!: Who Am I pt 2

 

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Chapter II: Cliff Jumping

Misty and Ash ran through the woods as fast as their legs could carry them.

“Where could the path be?” Misty painted.

Ash couldn’t answer even if he had a answer to the question. His mouth was so dry that it hurt. He had cramps on both sides of his body. [Yikes. That is some terrible menstrual problems.] His feet were so sore it felt like the were about to bleed. It was about a hour before anyone said anything again.

Wait, they’re tired already? These kids habitually walk around the length of Japan. There is no way they could be tired after a little jog in the woods.

“I think we lost them by now, Ash.” Misty snapped at him, “We can stop running.”
Ash had to agree with her. The sun was setting and it was starting to get alot colder.

“Let’s keep walking then we should be able to find a place to camp. I’m sure Brock should have realised we were gone by now.” Ash laughed quietly. 

Oh, I wouldn’t count on that. 

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“Where could their gym be?” Brock said searching the map.

Pikachu was searching the landscape when it saw a building that looked like a circus tent.

“Pikachu, Pik, Pika, Ka, Pika, Pika, chu!” Pikachu said tugging on Brock’s pant leg. Brock was about to say “go away pikachu”, but he rembered what happened last time.

“What is it, Pikachu?” Brock asked.

Pikachu pointed to the building.

“That’s it! Aren’t you glad I found it!” Brock laughed proudly.

Just keep lying to yourself, Brock.

“Pika…” Pikachu slapping it’s face. [“Ass.”]

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Ash and Misty found a open space in the forest and made camp. Ash still had some left over matches in his backpack plus his sleeping bag. While he was taking out his sleeping bag Pikachu’s tiny little bag fell out. Ash held it for a moment then stuffed back into his backpack.

Okay. Needlessly dramatic moment is needless. You’ve been away from Pikachu for like two hours, tops.

“You miss him don’t you?” Misty sighed. She was sitting on her bag with a little baby bottle of tokapi’s in her hands. 

These two are waaaay too attached to their pokemon. I think this is good for them. No, seriously. Team Rocket did them a favor. Notice how neither Togepi or Pikachu is as torn up about being separated from their owners like Ash and Misty are. This separation can only be good for them. 

“Yea, Of course I do. I hope there are doing okay.” Ash said lighting a campfire. Sleep was impossible. They were both starving and Brock always carried the food. [That’s practical.] Ash and Misty just layed there hoping they would surive the night.

Geez. You guys are just camping in the middle of the woods, like you do like every episode. Just this time without Brock and your pokemon. You aren’t braving sub zero temperatures. The only difficulties you’ve run into this far is just being tired because you were running. Sounds like you’ll be fine. Stop being over dramatic! 

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Brock, Pikachu, and Tokapi walked into the large Structure. When they came in the were lucky that the sisters had just done their last show and were starting to close up.

“Brock it so nice to see you again!” A Pink haired girl said shaking hands with him.

“Oh yes but I need to tell you…” Brock studdered.

“Where is Misty, or that cute little boy. What is his name again?” The yellow haired girl questioned.

“Ash. I think he is Misty’s boyfriend or something.” The Black-ish-Blue haired girl said shyly. [Or something.]

Also… why do none of them deserve names? It’s the case of “Ash’s Mom” and “Brock’s Dad” again. Family members don’t get names. I guess we should count our lucky stars I didn’t name them “Misty’s older sister 1, 2 and 3”. 

“That is what I was tring to tell you! They are gone, missing disappered!” Brock yelled.

Brock acts like he needs to clarify what “gone” means despite no one asking him to.

“GONE!” The girls gasped.

“By the way, Brock, is it? Disappered is not a word! [Especially when you spell it that way.]” The yellow haired girl corrected.

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Ash woke up with a start. He thought he heard screaming. He was drenched in sweat. The screaming continued. Ash looked at Misty, she was up too. The Screaming started to get louder and closer. [Woah. This is actually pretty creepy!] Misty almost screamed herself but Ash stopped her.

By… what method? I’m left to assume it was by shushing her.
Misty: -inhales-
Ash: SHUUUUUUUUUSH! I’M TRYING TO LISTEN!
Misty: shockedbuzzplz
Ash:  buzzrapefaceplz

A new voice joined this time, “Get your claws out of her arm, Meowth!”

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Ash and Misty quietly, but quickly put out the fire and packed up their stuff. When they got everything they ran off into the deeper woods.

I don’t blame you guys. Can you take me with you? 

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After James was able to get the sleeping Meowth’s claws out of Jessie arm, he kicked Meowth in the stomach.  [Dude! Still animal abuse!] Jessie fell down tired from all the screaming she did. But she fell on a emtey box of matches. She looked into the dark woods and to her suprized saw two people running.

“Bingo.” She smiled. [“Was his name oh.”]

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“RUN!” Ash screamed [It’s like all that running we had done before was utterly pointless to the plot, ne?] at Misty once he relised that Team Rocket was following him.

“I am, I am!” Misty yelled back. [“LOOK OUT FOR CLIFFS!” “OF COURSE!” “NO, I MEAN SERIOUSLY. LOOK OUT!” “I KNOW ASH, GOD. YOU’RE THE ONE WHO FALLS OFF THEM ALL THE TIME.” “I KNOW. THAT’S WHY I WANT YOU TO LOOK OUT FOR THEM. I’M GOING OFF THE NEXT ONE WE PASS.”] Ash and Misty came to a huge down hill. [Ash: AT LAST!] “We would die if went down this!” Misty gasped.

Ash: LET’S DO IT!

“I’m willing to take that chance.” Ash said [Wait, what? Seriously?!] pulling Misty down the hill with him. [I was just kidding, Ash!] They gained more and more speed as they went down. [Also, f-k you, Ash. Maybe Misty had something left to live for! She really misses her Togepi!]

“ASH! [I F-KING HATE YOU!]” Misty screamed pointing to the cliff ahead. [Yup. Ash’s favorite thing ever.]

“Hold on!” Ash yelled. 

To what? This isn’t a roller coaster, Ash. You are committing suicide!  TEAM ROCKET’S SANDWICHES WEREN’T THAT BAD! 

“You wouldn’t?” Misty screamed, [Where have you been the last three stories?] then she looked strait into his eyes. “You would?” [She is actually only surprised that he’s willing to take her with him. What an asshole.]

Suddenly they ran right off the cliff and into the air screaming. Team Rocket didn’t dare follow.

Because SURPRISE! SURPRISE! they are actually the smart ones.

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“James go after them.” Jessie screamed.

“You! Your always the one who wants to maintain your faluous figure.” James screamed back. [Kinda hard to maintain after being crushed to death.]

“On the concrete?” Jessie shreked.

Ha. Ha! Was that a joke? Did I actually make a joke that made me laugh?

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“I don’t think any of us should go down there, if we want to come out alive.” James stated.

Jessie and James stared at Meowth. Their eyes watched him hungreyly.

“Are you think what I’m thinking.” James studded. [OH MY GOD! Seriously guys! Animal abuse!! Like I seriously need to report this to someone!]


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“Go Meowth, GO!” James and Jessie cheered.

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Meowth was in a weelbarrow, snoring as he speed into a tree. 

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Yikes.

“Ow, oh, ew!” Jessie said turning the other way.

“That has got to hurt.” James gasped.

RIP Meowth. He died as he lived. Headfirst into a tree via an out of control wheelbarrow. 

Next Time on WAI, …I really don’t know. Like, three people just died. Maybe we should take a break for a funeral. 

During which Brock whips out a thesaurus to describe all the different ways that Ash, Misty and Meowth are now dead… gone, deceased, passed away, no longer alive, asleep, buried, lifeless, departed, cold, stiff as a board, dead as a doornail, bereft of life, cadaverous, checked out, snuffed out, rubbed out, done for, erased, expired, inanimate,  inert, no more, offed, perished, pushing up daisies, resting in peace, gone to Davy Jones,  gone to meet their maker…

Speaking of which. I already told you. It’s been a week and look who’s died! 

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An accurate representation of God’s face.

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