Brock Is The Biggest Asshole Ever: Pewter City Lab Pt 9

Chapter VIIII: Everyone Survived (Somehow)

Pikachu and Bulbasaur got on Pigeotto and flew down the cliff. They searched the waters high, and low for a half an hour. Pikachu then senced something. [Seanced? Wow. Even his pokemon think God won’t send Ash back. Maybe he shouldn’t have.]  Bulbasaur told Pikachu they had already searched that part of the water and Ash couldn’t have held his breath for 30 minutes. [He can if he talks to God, derp. Also 30 minutes? God really went on and on didn’t he?] But sure enough out of the water came Ash.

He was struggling to keep afloat. Pigeotto flew closer.

Ash tried to stay above the water but he was too tired.

“Squirtle I choose you!” Ash said swallowing a mouthful of water. Squirtle came out of his poke’ball and lifted Ash above the surface. Ash then relised that soon squritle would be tired. [He only just got into the water! Have some faith in your pokemon, Ash! Geez, first Pidgeotto and now Squirtle.] He couldn’t pull Ash all the way. Suddenly Pigeotto flew down with Pikachu and Bulbasaur on his back.

“I have in Idea.” Ash said. [“It’s so good it deserves to be capitalized.”] Ash found a spare poke’ball and pointed it at Bulbasaur. “Bulbasaur return.” Bulbasaur did as he was told. [Well, that’s it. That was my plan. Good work, guys.] Pikachu leaped into Ash’s arms. “Pigeotto, squirtle I will need your help.” Ash called.   

“Someone said they saw a small boy fall of cliff not far away.” Brock said to the group. [“It has to be Ash. You know how he can’t resist cliffs.”] 

“Ash! or it could be Jessie.” Misty pondered. [“Probably Ash. Most likely… definitely Ash.”]

“Whatever! We need to call Officer Jenny. She can help us search the lake.” Brock said staring at the endless crater filled with water.

What a strange way to describe a lake. I think Brock has a grudge against large bodies of water.

“I don’t think we have to, look!” Misty said pointing at something speeding towards them.

Needless suspenseful build-up is needless.

Ash was rideing with pigeotto on his shoulders pushing him along, [How can Pidgeotto be pushing him? With what arms?] sqirtle pushing his feet, [What? Why? What?] pikachu in his arms sleeping soundly [Slacker!]. He was going to shore, fast. Ash felt the winds blow past him. He felt like he was surfing.

So I know what I was trying to describe here. But it really doesn’t come across does it. Sounds he just made it more complicated with two pokemon needlessly pushing him instead of just one leading him back to shore. It’s not like this was happening in the middle of a storm. The weather is calm and Ash is like, no my water pokemon can’t possibly handle water! What?! 

On shore, Misty, Brock, and Tokapi could belive their eyes. When Ash reached the land, he returned all his Poke’mon expect, of course, Pikachu.

“Is it really you?” Misty asked.

Good think she checked before the inevitable welcome back kiss.

“Yes, the last time I cheaked.” Ash smiled.

Misty rethinks the welcome back kiss.

“Just to be sure, what do you still own me since I first met you?” Misty questioned.

“This is not the greatest time to ask for a new bike.

I’m hungry, and look what I caught.” Ash said opening his back pack. Inside were 3 plump fish and 1 smaller one. “We just need to cook them.” Ash smiled.

The acts that followed were swift and unspeakable.

“Yummy! That was delious, Ash.” Misty smiled liking her lips. [Did they just eat a bunch of magikarp and goldeen?]

“Brock is the one who cooked them.” Ash said taking Pikachu’s and his own plate to the sink.

RIP.

“How did you ever ecape Team Rocket?” Brock asked. “And back into your old body?”

“It a long story.” Ash commeted. [“Let’s never speak of it again.” ]

“Well, The people at the lab gave me back the gym, and…” Brock contiuned. “I sold it!”

 Oh my f-king god. What?!

“What?” Ash and Misty screamed. “To Who?”

No. I’m sorry. What? What? After all that?  YOU F-KING SOLD THE GYM?

 ASH BECAME A WOMAN FOR YOUR SAKE! 

“To a young boy who promised to make a gym out of it. [ HE HAD A WHOLE CONVERSATION WITH GOD!] He had quite a nice Charmander with him. [ HE- Wait…] I have seen him before but I forgot his name. [LOL. ? He’s back?]” Brock finished.

“Well, At least we don’t have to go there again.” Ash smiled.

“Pika!” Pikachu laughed.

“Tokapi!” tokapi said falling asleep in Misty’s arms.

“I wonder what happeaned to Team Rocket.” Ash pondered.

Well, that was pretty out of character. Most of the time, Ash is just like “TR? Who cares!”

“I’m going to kill you!” Jessie screamed At James and Meowth. “We had him and Pikachu, but you let them get away!”

“Sorry Jess but we got confused and didn’t know which is which, so just on the safe side, the cage can’t be to uncomtyable.” James smiled locking the cage door.

Well, that’s an oddly dark note to end on.

THE END

EPILOGUE: Bryan did indeed get control of the Pewter City Lab and returned it to the prosperous gym it had been once again. That was until a freak Togepi explosion finally wiped the gym off the map, ten years later. However, at this point, Pikachu and him were happily honeymooning on Professor Oak’s private pokemon island. 

When James and Meowth finally let Jessie out of the cage, she in turn captures them in a cage. In her defense, she claimed not to know if they were who they said they were either. This back and forth eventually ends in Team Rocket going their separate ways in the quest to capture Pikachu. Thankfully Ash and company manages to bring them back together by blasting them off one more time into each other’s arms. 

A week later, Ash falls off another cliff. God is less than happy to see him. 

 

Special Guest Appearance From God: Pewter City Lab Pt 8

Chapter VIII: Ash Dies

Ash woke up. He expected to be back in his old body but he wasn’t. James and Meowth didn’t know that. Good thing. Jessie hadn’t woken up yet. They were waiting to throw him in the cage as soon as he opened his eyes. Ash quietly sunk past them and opened the cage and Pikachu jumped into his arms. Ash hugged Pikachu and started for the door.

“STOP!” Jessie screamed waking up.

Well, that’s unfortunate.

    “Uh oh!” Ash and Pikachu said together.

James and Meowth quickly relised that it didn’t work. James and Meowth ran after him. Ash opened the door and shit it [Um. ] behind him. SMACK! BANG! Meowth and James both ran strait into the door.

TR seems to be defeated by doors often in my universe.

“Do I have to do everything myself?” Jessie muttered.

Ash and Pikachu ran as fast as they could through the woods. [Shit, there’s a cliff up ahead, isn’t there?] Suddenly Ash and Pikachu came to the dead end. A huge cliff that led down a canyon. [ And at some point, Ash is going off it.] The drop looked like it went down forever.
“Prepare for trouble!” Jessie yelled running towards them.

lol wat?

Ash suddenly had a huge headache. Jessie missed them and ran right off the cliff.

Jessie failing; featured above.

While she was falling she fainted. Ash was so dizzy he fell down to the ground.

Chekhov’s gun at its finest.

Ash woke but he didn’t even look around him before he knew what was happeaning.

Either Ash has extreme cognitive response times or this drop leads to the center of the earth.

“Bulbasaur!” Ash screamed.
The Poke’mon landed on a small edge. Ash saw the ground [This is to reassure us that he’s not falling forever in a endless void.] still far away but coming closer [I think people who skydive fall faster]. Bulbasaur tried to grab Ash with his vine but Ash was just to heavy. Bulbasaur fell of the legde he was on and started pulleting [ew what?] with Ash to the ground.
“Pigeotto!” Ash screamed. Pigeotto came out of his Poke’ball. “Pigeotto, get Bulbasaur to safety!” Ash screamed.

Wait. What? Why didn’t you just return Bulbasaur and try to use Pigeotto like a makeshift parachute? I mean, Pigeotto knows fly in the game so technically it should be able to carry Ash’s weight. ASH YOU DUMB. YOU CAN’T POKEMAN. 

Pigeotto grabbed Bulbasaur and flew to the top of the cliff. Ash knew Pigeotto could of saved him [LOLWAT?] but he knew Bulbasaur then would have the fate he has now [OR HE’D BE SAFE IN HIS POKEBALL YOU BIG DUMMY!]. Underneth him was a lake but the water wouldn’t save him.

At the rate that Ash has been falling, I’m pretty sure he somehow jumped off at the top of the world. Yeah, the chances of survival are pretty slim.

What Ash should have done, seen here.

Pikachu saw Ash faint (or the Ash in Jessie’s body). [Still confusing!] Pikachu ran away from Jessie just in case she woke up. When Pikachu made it in the bushes It looked off the egde again. [Sentient bushes? The hell? And they are concerned about the depth of this cliff too!] Suddenly Pigeotto appeared carring Bulbasaur. No Ash.
“Pika!” Pikachu sobbed.

He’s clearly mourning the loss of that hat.

Ash opened his eyes. All around him was bright lights.

Oh.

“ASH!” A voice called. Ash looked around him, he seemed to be floating in the air. Uh, oh.
“Ash, so you figured it out.” the voice called.

Oh god no.

“I’m to young to be dead!” Ash yelled to the voice!
“I know, but so are alot of other people who come here.”

No. Wait. Stop. I did not just-

“But my family, friends, Poke’mon.” Ash cried.
“Don’t worry, Ash. You’re not staying here long.”
“What?” Ash called.

Am I seriously reading a fanfic I wrote where Ash has a conversation with God?!  The f–k is this?!

 

“You are very brave, Ash. You were not to die but Bulbasaur is the one that was to come.”

ASH THIS COULD ALL HAVE BEEN AVOIDED IF YOU COULD JUST POKEMAN!

“Not Bulbasaur! I’d rather stay here than have Bulbasaur die!” Ash cried. [“But returning him to his pokeball, no. No, that makes no sense. It’s not like we made those devices to make our Pokemon portable or anything.”]
“We don’t want you or your Bulbasaur yet. You courage saved a friend, and your life too. We will allow you to go.”

I would ask why God would do this for Ash and his pet dinosaur but not like any other self sacrificing hero ever, but I’m thinking the answer is BECAUSEBADFANFICPLOTHOLELAWLS.

“Thank you.” Ash repiled.
“No thank you. Until we meet again, Ash. Your bravery will be rembered by us. [We in heaven will always remember the time one boy was too stupid to return his Pokemon to his pokeball and decided to fall to his death instead.]”

What if God was just trolling? He sends Ash back to his crushed body just long enough for Ash to drown. Then he returns to heaven all pissed off.
Ash: Da faq was that?
God: Got ya! God don’t work like that. Next time return your Pokemon, dipshit.

Ash swam to the surface of the water. he breathed in the air. Was that God?
[ WHY WAS THIS IN MY FANFIC AGAIN?] Ash thought to himself. Who ever he was he called me brave. Wait till I tell Misty. [I’d love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation.] If I tell Misty, I might be going back to that place [FIRST RULE OF HEAVEN, DON’T TALK ABOUT HEAVEN.] if I don’t think of how to get out of this lake.

NEXT TIME ON PCL, God! Body swapping! Cliffs! Talking bushes! I don’t give a shit anymore! It’s almost over!Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! 

Aiohdfjhdfoiehjbfdsjfdfdoiejfenlflndskldfnkldfnk!!!111111

Ash and Jessie Both Suck At Acting: Pewter City Lab Pt 7

Chapter VII: A Tangy Victory

Jesse/Ash fell to the ground.

Oh. He died. Guess the story is over then. 

“Ahh! Jessie are you okay?” James and Meowth said tring to wake him up. 

It worked! Ash thought to himself.

James: Hey, Jessie didn’t faint like a girl at all! WE’VE BEEN TRICKED!  

Ash pretaned to wake up. 

“Oh, few! We thought we lost you!” James said nerously. [“We were unbelievably happy for a second… not because we thought you were dead! It was… for some other… reason…”]

“Where am I?” Ash acted. 

“At our cabin in the woods.” Meowth answered. 

“Oh, how did I get here?” Ash asked meanly [Meanly? How can you ask meanly? Ash: TELL ME HOW I GOT HERE NOW, MAGGOTS!! PLEEEEEASE!!!] (still acting) [Because we might have thought he stopped. ]

“We took you here! What was the last thing you rember?” James asked. 

Ash was afried they would ask that. Leave it to James to think it up.

There’s a simple answer to this question. But I don’t think Mr. Doesn’t-Know-Boys-and-Girls-Pass-Out-The-Same-Way is clever enough to think of it. He could just pretend he doesn’t remember anything…

“Um, I rember chasing that brat,” Ash stoped.

Or you could do that. That’s fine too.

His (or was it Jessie’s?) heart started pounding.

Since you are in Jessie’s body, I’m going with Jessie’s heart.

Is that what she calls me or is it twrip?

Actually I think she calls you Twerp. Or go with Turnip. That’s closer to the spelling you were going for.

Ash screamed in his head. [Ash–> ]

“Go on.” Meowth said breaking Ash’s thoughts.

Team Rocket is just that dumb. Well… they did fall for the pretend fainting fit.

Ash/Jessie sat nervously on the hospital bed.

Okay, we are back to Jessie. Or Jessie inside Ash as it were… This story just makes every sentence I write seem wrong.

Doctors were all around her. She looked at her hands. No! Could it be? [These chunky trunk-bits can’t be mine! They aren’t even properly manicured!] Jessie thought. She got out of bed, the Doctor eyes followed her.

These doctors seem to have a striking resemblance to a certain collection of ponyo nurses from the future.

They’re back?

She looked into the mirror. 

“AHHH!” Jessie screamed at her refettion. [Her what?] Ash! Jessie fell to the ground, out cold.

Now that’s how you pass out girl style, Ash. Jessie’s a born pro. Or rather… you are. Gah! Head hurting.

“I think we should find team twrips and get thier Pikachu!” Ash acted.

He’s a really bad actor.

He wondered if Pikachu would recoince him. But wether Pikachu did or didn’t he still had to find him. Jessie must be in his body and if that’s true. She has control of all his Poke’mon and maybe even Pikachu.

“We should also get in our Meowth Balloon and say our motto… that I can’t remember at the moment. But you start James and I will repeat after you. Man, I just love stealing pokemon. And our organization is the bomb. Yup, I’m Jessie alright. And  a girl too. With girl parts.”

“Me and Meowth put a tracking deive in Ash’s coat.

That’s convenient. If by deive I mean device. If not then… I have no idea what they put in his coat.

We will find him quick. He is now in the hospital.” James smiled. [“Kicking kids in wheelchairs is fun!”]

“Good, I sure there is alot of Poke’mon we can steal there.” Ash studdered.

They probably keep them all in nonsensical closets.

But all Ash had in mind to steal or in his case save was his poke’mon.

Jessie woke with hundreds of doctors all around her.

It’s the ponyo nurses’ male counterparts! Look out! They’ll eat your soul!!

She had to act like the twrip to get out of here. 

“Where am I?” Jessie asked in her most Ash like voice.

Apparently both Ash and Jessie think alike in acting like each other…

“Your in the hospital. Ash are you okay?” Misty said pushing her way through the crowd with Brock and Tokapi behind her. Pikachu leaped on Misty’s shoulder. 

“Fine but I feel funny,” Jessie acted. [“My voice hurts. How does Ash… I mean, how do I talk like this?”] In her mind she want to say: get away from me you swanny [?] little brat, but then she would be taken to the ER for a Cat scan.

That’s a little dramatic. But Misty would certainly feel offended. I mean… being called Bella Swanny? That’s harsh.

“You acting very weird. You called yourself Jessie. And you told the doctors to Prepare for trouble while you were sleeping.” The Nurse said calmly.

Wow. Subtle.

“I don’t rember saying anything like that.” Jessie acted.

Nice save. Need to teach that one to Ash.

“You mind’s to small to rember anything.” James called behind them.

OH HO! BURN! 

“Hey!” The Ash in Jessie body said angrly, but then he regretted it.

Everyone is doing so well today. 

“He wasn’t talking to you Jessie!” Meowth laughed. [“Silly girl. She’s been so mixed up since she breathed in those noxious fumes.” ]

“get ready to…” James started. Their was a silence. “Jessie!” James hissed. 

“I told you I not saying that stupid motto.”

 Le gasp! She insulted the motto! By Team Rocket laws then she must die!

The Ash in Jessie body yelled.

Why does this sound so wrong? 

“Please Jessie, I can’t say it alone!” James begged. 

“Than don’t say it at all.

I guess Ash just gave up trying to pretend to be Jessie.

 It is a waste of time and it’s boreing.” The Ash in Jessie’s body snapped.

 

Jessie:  You take that back right now!!

“Ash and Jessie both are acting strange.” Brock wondered. [“What ho! My first speaking part for the past ten or so pages. Odd considering this story was supposed to be about my lab…”]

Pikachu bounced off Misty’s shoulder and into Jessie’s arms.

Brock: I DEMAND MORE SPEAKING PARTS!

“Why are you going with the bad guys, Pikachu?” Misty yelled.

Pikachu: I’m after the boobies, of course. 

Pikachu leaped into Ash’s (or Jessie’s) arm. So Pikachu does know me, Ash smiled to himself.

Or he likes my new boobies. 

“Pikachu, what are you doing?” Misty asked again. 

Pikachu snugged in Ash’s (or Jessie’s) arms and refused to let go.

The boobies thing just seems more and more true, doesn’t it?

“Jessie come on! We have Pikachu.” Meowth said grabbing Ash’s (or [or this is getting old] Jessie’s) leg. Ash had had enough of acting like Jessie or tring to. [Or ultimately failing at, more like.] Ash kicked Meowth off his (or her) [sigh] leg. 

“I’m not Jessie! I’m Ash Katchem from pallet town!” Ash screamed.

Now would be a good time to give someone special a cat scan…

“You can’t be I’m Ash!” the Jessie in Ash’s body yelled. “from Palete town.”

“It’s pallet town!” Misty said to who seemed to be Ash.

Seemed not to be Ash anymore though.

“Ash would never forget the name of his home town [Unless he had severe brain trauma. Which a cat scan might help discover!]  and how did Jessie learn it!” Brock asked aloud. 

Well she could have looked it up on a map, honestly.

“I know this sounds crazy but I think Jessie is Ash and Ash is Jessie.” Misty said. 

“Correct!” Ash in Jessie’s body said happily.

CAT SCANS FOR EVERYONE! WHAT DO YOU SAY?

“Wrong, wrong, wrong!” Jessie in Ash’s body yelled. The Jessie in Ash’s body cam up behind the Ash in her body and threw a net over him [The hell? Where did she get a net?] and Pikachu and then a separate net over the rest of the people in the room.

Apparently she planned this… while she was unconscious on a hospital bed.

“So long suckers!” Jessie in Ash’s body said runing off with Team Rocket [This is just too weird. ] and Ash in Jessie’s body and Pikachu in the net being dragged behind.

So wait. What happened? I don’t understand!    

“Let us go!” the real Ash yelled.

No Ash in Jessie’s body anymore? Gotten kind of old hasn’t it?

“Hurry up Meowth and make that fomalu! [What? Fomalu? Was I even trying?] I want to get back into my body.” Jessie yelled. [“I sure hope no one heard me say that out loud. It could be taken so wrong…”]

James opened the cage and grabbed Ash or in his case Jessie. He forsed him into a chair and pried his mouth opened.

Whoa. Wait. Where the hell is this going? This seems to be heading in a rated R direction!

Meowth gave James and Jessie each a bottle of Blue liquid.

???

Ash stuggled but James poured it down his throt. It was a tany flavor, Ash hated it. Jessie gulped it down quickly. To her it tasted like vitory,[Victory tastes like tang.] she loved it.

Chemical abuse! Huzzah!

Ash and Jessie saw the world spin.

Next time on PCL, will Jessie and Ash regain their own bodies? Or will they die horribly after having just ingested a beaker of sodium hypochlorite. I’m voting for the latter. Oh and will the rest of the gang get out of the horrible net trap?

Seen here. 

 Will Brock ever get a speaking line again? Remember that lab plot? Yeah. What ever happened to that? Stay tuned!

 

Ready For Things To Get Really Weird?: Pewter City Lab Pt 6

Chapter VI: Body Switched

“You broke into the lab to steal poke’mon, and the proff [Professor Oak?] is in your hands.”  Officer Jenny said stenly. [ly?]

“No, these are mine [, stupid.].” Ash replied. 

“Pika!” Pikachu agreed with him. [“Ash talks in his sleep… It’s a best friend thing.”]

“Ash!” Misty yelled running into the room. “Officer Jenny, those Poke’balls belong to me and Ash. [I know you were just talking about them because I can read minds!] We had to hide them cause Team Rocket was tring to steal them.” 

“Some of them are mine too.” Brock said walking in. “Ash saved them from Team Rocket.”

Misty: Um… actually… I hate to uh- break this to you, Brock…

Sudenly a egged-shaped poke’mon walked past the door. 

“TOKAPI!” Ash screamed. [ NOOOOOOO!!!]

Ash ran after Tokapi down the hallway.

Leaving his friends at the mercy of the misguided Officer Jenny. He’s such a good friend.

 Team Rocket saw him pass.

Oh you guys are still here, are you.

“After him!” Jessie screamed. 

Ash, relizing team rocket was following him thew a bouncy ball over his shoulder. [What the hell?] Meowth stopped and ran after it. 

Up ahead a scientist [stopped what he was doing and ran after the deus ex machina ball too?] was pushing a cart of boxes [ time machines?] Ash and Jessie [Don’t fall in!!] both bareing missed running into it. James didn’t. [And he fell into a time and space paradox. Never to be heard of again.]

Jessie finally caught Ash by the coat [Coat? Oh well I guess that jacket kind of qualifies.] and stopped him. “Now you are going to pay!” Jessie screamed lifting her fist high it the air ready to punch Ash in the face.

Well, her anger is justified here. I mean he did just help wink James out of existence.

But Tokapi, only about 3 feet away, was on a table.

Let me guess. Togepi is going to use metronome. Oh wait. Maybe he’ll jump off the table and use an actual attack on Jessie. Or maybe he’ll evolve into togetic and seriously do some damage?

It lifted a bottle filled with something [Oh.] and threw it to the ground. [Oh.] BOOM! The explosion eccoed across Pewter City. […Oh.]

Well maybe they all died? That’d be a nice change of pace. But wait… no. I see there’s another page here. Yay…?

Officer Jenny heard the sound and ran to the noise with everyone falling behind her.

Jenny: Well clearly this is all Ash’s fault.

Suddenly a egg-shaped poke’mon flew [flew?] past Officer Jenny and right into Misty’s arms.

So… the explosion propelled Togepi… forward… or was it backwards… instead of up… but how is it in one piece? and… aw forget it.

“TOKAPI!” Misty said happily hugging her Poke’mon. 

“You kids get out of here. I’ll find Ash.” Officer Jenny said runing towards the smoke. 

I’m assuming she cocks her gun after saying this.

“What a Women!” Brock drooled.

Apparently Jenny just multiplied herself before running in. They can do that you know. Joys too.

Jenny saw the smoke ahead. The smoke was a strange color of Blueish-purple.

Are there Ashachus in this smoke cloud? Please say no.

She took out a hanchif [Yeah… I dunno.] to cover her mouth and nose. The smoke stung her eyes but was easy to see through:

If it stung her eyes it wouldn’t be that easy to see through…

She saw Ash laying on the ground not far away,

Oh good. He’s just dead. Whew. Was worried there for a second.

beside him was Jessie. She didn’t have time to save both of them. She grabbed Ash and fled out of the smoke.

And… she just left Jessie there. No time to go back for her huh? She’s such a good police officer.

“James, I found her!” Meowth yelled to James. They were in Suba diver’s suits.

Where did those… you know what? I don’t care anymore. Deus ex machina just breeds in these old fanfics.

Meowth and James picked Jessie up and carried her out of the smoke.

And wouldn’t scuba suits be completely useless? Unless they actually were lugging around airtanks… God, my lack of logic astounds me.

After they got Ash to a hospital, Officer Jenny, Misty, Tokapi, Pikachu, and Brock waited in the waiting room, 

When the doctor came out, he was smiling.

He takes pleasure in sick patients apparently.

“Ash Katchem,” He called. They all crowed around him. “will be fine. He just needs to stay overnight in the morning.” [The morning overnight… Whatever. He needs to stay. I LOVE HIM OKAY?]

“Can we see him?” Misty asked. 

“Sure and you can sleep overnight at the hotel next door.” The doctor replied. […out of the way.]

“Well, the work is done. Bye.” Jenny said walking out of the waiting room.

She’s got more innocent people to persecute elsewhere.

Ash was sleeping soundly when Misty, Tokapi, Brock, and Pikachu walked in. Pikachu bounced upon the bed. Pikachu sniffed at Ash and suddenly sparks flew from his cheeks.

“IMPOSTER. HE WEARS NO HAT!!”

“NOO! Pikachu what are you doing?” Brock said picking Pikachu up, away from Ash.

“Pika Pikachu Pikachu!” Pikachu said. [“THE LACK OF HAT COMPELS ME TO KILL!”] 

“What?” Brock asked. 

“Pikachu said, “That isn’t Ash”.” Misty translated.

I still don’t know how the water pokemon trainer can speak pikachu.

Brock stared at her. [Apparently Brock doesn’t either.] “Ash taught me.”  [LIES!] Misty smiled. [“He talks in his sleep…. It’s a best friend thing.”]

“Pikachu what are you talking about. Of couse that is Ash!” Brock laughed.

Sadly I suspect that Pikachu is right… as much as I hate to believe my story went in that direction. I suppose it was only a matter of time though. Just wait, the next story is about amnesia. Just as any budding fanfiction series should be.

The Next day Jessie woke up quickly, but she wasn’t quite herself. 

“AHH! Team Rocket!” Ash screamed.

Wait what? Where’d he come from?

Meowth and James gave her a akward look.

Oh wait. Ash is Jessie… I foresee this getting confusing.

“What do you want with me?” Ash yelled. 

“Are you okay?” Meowth said feeling her forehead. 

“I’m fine, where did you take Pikachu?” Ash said angerily.

Not even phased by Meowth stroking her/his/its forehead? How does that even work anyway?

“We haven’t caught him yet. rember that boy, Ash keeps getting in the way.” James said starting to get worried.

Only starting?

“I’M ASH!” Ash screamed. 

 Way to go, Ash.

“No, your Jessie, me Meowth, he James.” Meowth said worring alot too. [“He Tarzan. She Jane. Ignore them though. They aren’t important.”]

 

Ash woke up [Or is this Jessie?], but he wasn’t quite himself. [Wow. Same transition.] He looked around the hospital room. He saw pikachu sleeping soundly in a sleeping bag not far away. Ash slowly tip toed up to Pikachu, and right before he grabbed Pikachu, Pikachu woke up. 

“_Pika, Pika, Pika, PIKA, PIKACHU!” Pikachu said thundershocking Ash. 

“AHHH!” Jessie screamed. 

Officer Jenny pops her head in the room. Jenny: “Well, this is certainly all your fault. BTW you are all horrible pokemon thieves. I’m going to go arrest the hospital receptionist for no good reason now. Kthxbai!”

 

“How can I be Jessie unless… Ahh! I’m in a girl’s body

Any other adolescent boy would have been thrilled by this predicament.

and not any girl’s body, I’m in JESSIE’S! [It could be worse. What if it were Misty?] Well, it could be worse. I could be in [Brock’s?] in Misty’s body. [Haha. Predicted it.]” Ash thought aloud. [“At least Jessie has a nice rack.” ]

“A… are you sure you don’t want to see a doctor?” Meowth asked.

I don’t think she/he/it should really have a choice at this point.

“Of course not.” Ash said angerly. [“Believe me, god dammit! I’m not going to even try to play this careful!”]

 

“What happeaned!” one of the nurses said running. 

Ash hid under the covers and pretaned that he was sleeping.

Kinda hard to do that after just getting fried by Pikachu…

“Ash, are okay?” The Nurse asked. 

Ash lifted the cover off him and looked around the room. [“What? I think you’re missing a word there.”] “Me?” She asked. [Ash is suddenly female!] “Are you talking to me?” 

“Of couse, anyone else in this room named Ash?” The Nurse asked.

You don’t know. There might be!

“My name isn’t Ash. It’s Jessie. My name is Jessie.” Jessie said.

Wow. I thought at least Jessie would play it safe. I guess my characters are just blunt and stupid… and for some reason I’m surprised by this.

 

Ash was confused.

Are we going to keep switching between these reveal scenes? They are getting pretty old…

The Jessie body with Ash in was confused or Jessie/Ash.

Sorry past self. That doesn’t really help with the confusion.

Jessie/Ash didn’t know what to do, then he got a idea: How about, I act like Jessie to trick Team Rocket.

Wow. Little late for that. You already gave yourself away.

At least they will stop asking if I’m okay. First things first, I need to pretane to faint so they will think I got my memory back.

Oh come on. That won’t work… oh wait. Forgot. Crappy fanfic. Alright go ahead.

How do girls faint? […The same as guys? Just a guess.] Jessie/Ash pondered.

“Are you okay?” The Nurse asked. 

“fine!” Ash/Jessie [Yeah… this whole Ash/Jessie and Jessie/Ash is really not working.] snapped. 

“You don’t seem right.” The Woman said [You sound like you’ve been body swapped.] putting her hand on her head.

Wait on her own head? What does that accomplish?

“Get your disgusting hand off my make-up!” […] Ash/Jessie yelled.

Well, that’s something that Ash can never unsay.

“Make-up!” The Nurse laughed. [“With that face you’re clearly not wearing any!]

“What?” Ash/Jessie yelled. 

“Who ever heard of a boy who wears make-up and has a name like Jessie!” The Nurse laughed.

Actually, Jessie can easily be a boy’s name. And actors wear make-up all the time… Ignorant twat.

“I’m a girl! Aren’t I?” Ash/Jessie asked.

It’s probably not a good sign if you have to ask.

NEXT TIME ON PCL, Officer Jenny finds out that the smoke did affect her. But seeing as she was body swapped into another Officer Jenny’s body it took her weeks to notice. And when she did notice, she quickly gave up trying to convince anyone of it. “I’M JENNY! JENNY FROM SAFFRON. Oh f-ck it.” In the meantime Jessie/Ash and Ash/Jessie continue to confuse the hell out of my readers. They both try unsuccessfully to blend in with their new bodies. Jessie can’t resist the impulse to steal Pikachu. And… Ash enjoys being Jessie a little too much. Wow… I just felt dirty writing that. Oh and Brock gets his gym back. But at what cost?

Yup, Ash is Captured Again: Pewter City Lab Pt 5

Chapter V: IT’S A TRAP

“We have to split up!

Because it’s backwards day! And we need to do the opposite of what would help in this situation!

You go that way, me and Pikachu go this way.” Ash yelled to Misty and running down the hallway. 

After a while of looking for Brock, Ash and Pikachu sit on a bench [ It’s a trap!!!] to rest. Suddenly the bench tilted back to a trap door.

Oh crap. I was right! …Who the heck would think of booby trapping a bench? What if they didn’t sit down?  TR probably had a hundred of these things littering the hall in the off chance they would sit down. There were probably pictures that if you stared at them too long would make a pit hole open up beneath you. And trash cans that eat you if you used them. TR MAKES USEFUL TRAPS!

“AHHH!” Ash and Pikachu screamed [“THIS TRAP IS ILLOGICAL!”] falling back through the hole.

“Ash?” Misty said looking through the hallways. A few moments ago she heard the most blood-chilling scream.

Apparently the trap door opened out into a wood chipper.

She couldn’t find him anywhere, or pikachu.

Finding Pikachu is just an afterthought. Ash is the important one!

Misty turned the coner and to her altoment suprize […is it a bad sign when even I don’t know what I was writing?] stood Brock. He looked dazed, or confused. [Or both. Or neither. He seemed confused that his face hadn’t decided on an emotion.]

“BROCK!” Misty ran to hug him.

“Why [do you abuse the caps lock]?” Brock trailed msteriously. 

“What?” Misty asked. 

“Team Rocket had me in a cage,” Brock said starting his story.

What is with my TR and cages? Where do you get human sized cages anyway? Is there an abundance somewhere? Is there a warehouse where you can buy cages for humans or other large animals? Like for circuses?

“They knocked me out and put me in a cage.

Ah, ignore me. My logical questions will just distract you from Brock’s amazing story.

At first they were planning to take my poke’mon. Then they changed their mind and let me go. [Riveting, isn’t it?] They said something about a trap bench [Lawls] and finally catching something.” 

“Ash! They are trying to catch Ash’s Pikachu and kill Ash!” Misty screamed.

Aw too bad, Team Rocket. You’ll have to try harder at being vague next time.

“Of course! We need to warn Ash and Pikachu!” Brock said.

Wow. He’s slow on the uptake.

“I think it’s alittle late for that.” A voice said behind them.

Geez. The Twerps seems to excel at getting hoodwinked in my story. Multiple times too. You’d think they’d expect Team Rocket to be standing behind them anytime they take too long of a pause… I know I do. 

Misty and Brock turned around quickly to see Team Rocket standing behind them. They had beside them a tied-up and gagged Ash. No Pikachu was seen.

Guess there was a wood chipper after all. 

“What do you want?” Brock said angerly.

“Yea and why, now, start gagging people?” Misty asked.

Odd question…

“He bit my hand!” Meowth yelled showing a red paw. 

“Good work, Ash!” Misty laughed. [ “Good work pissing off the people holding you hostage!”]

“Shut up!” Jessie hissed, “The reason we are here is to make a deal. Ash for your poke’mon, deal?” 

“What about Pikachu?” Misty asked. 

“Noway, you are just lucky we are giving him up.” Meowth snickered. [Because human trafficking isn’t beneath us at all!]

“I will do anything to save a friend. I’m in,” Brock said handing them his poke’balls.

But apparently his pokemon aren’t friends. Nice. Good job not hesitating at all there, Brock.

“Great, now we can add them to Ash’s poke’balls.” James snickered. 

“Ash may be annoying but he still owns me that bike and I want him to buy it for me before he dies.” Misty said handing over her poke’balls. 

Her love for Ash is simply overwhelming. Ash has the best of friends.

“NOO!” Ash screamed through the gag in his mouth

He really doesn’t want to pay that bike back, does he?

but he couldn’t be heard, no matter how loud he screamed.

Ash knew what was going to happen next. [I think I know too.] Team Rocket grabbed Ash beside them and said, “Sorry but it takes 3 months to deliver a brat and sometimes they don’t always come back in a full piece.”

 Wow.

The trap door opened from underneth Ash

I’m assuming there was a picture nearby that Ash was staring at too long.

and he fell into the cage once again. Team Rocket followed behind him but landed somewhere else. Pikachu leaped into Ash lap and untied him.

That’s a talented Pikachu.

Pikachu then hugged him hard.

To make sure he was the real Ash I’m sure. CHECK HIS HAT, PIKACHU!

Ash took the gag and threw at Meowth to hit him on the head. It was okay to see Meowth to jump up and down yelling.

Oh stop being melodramatic, Meowth. I’m sure it didn’t hurt that much.

But Ash wasn’t any happier.

You could bite Meowth again. Maybe that’d cheer you up.

He may have looked calm but he was down right terrified.

You’d almost think he didn’t want to get captured, huh?

“How dare Team Rocket trick us like that.” Brock said pacing back and forth. [“How dare they act exactly like they always do!”]

“Trick you, maybe.” Misty muttered. [“I was looking for an excuse to get rid of my useless pokemon.”]

“What?” Brock asked. 

“Ash knew it. I knew it. Pikachu knew it.” Misty muttered.

Brock was apparently too busy standing there wondering what kind of confused he should look again.

“Knew what?” Brock asked. 

“Me, Ash, and Pikachu knew Team Rocket’s plan,” Misty started. “So we made a plan. [To do exactly as Team Rocket wanted apparently…  We’re so devious.] We knew Team Rocket was only after 3 things: Ash, Pikachu, and our poke’mon. Ash had an idea that we would hid our poke’balls in the closet, so that they wouldn’t be looking in the closet we switched them with the ones in the closet. The ones in the closet are emtey.

…What? I mean… this sounds like an awesome plan! Thanks for letting Brock not be a part of it. Forget his stupid pokemon, right?

I guessed they would catch Ash and Pikachu so I gave him a hair clip.” Misty finished.

She’s such a good friend.

“What’s the hair clip for?” Brock asked.

For Ash’s hair, duh.

“Just a little bit farther.” Ash wispered picking the lock.

With a hair pin right? Not a hair clip… Would be hard to pick the lock with a hair clip.

“Oh no you don’t.” Meowth said taking the hair clip away. “Nice try.”

 Good plan, Misty.

“Meowth come over here. Let’s see what’s in these poke’balls.” Jessie called to Meowth.

I’m guessing pokemon.

They opened all the poke’balls but only a quater of them had pokemon in them.

 Oh sheetz!

“Is this your idea of a joke?” Jessie screamed at Ash with the rest of Team Rocket behind her. [“BECAUSE IT’S FLIPPIN’ HILARIOUS!”]

“Now Pikachu! [DO THE HULA!]” Ash yelled kicking the door opened. 

Ash ducked down as Pikachu (from behind Ash) used a very powerful thunder shock. 

“Pika, Pika, CHU!” Pikachu yelled.

“AHH!” Team Rocket screamed as the shock hit them. After it was over, Team Rocket was fried. 

“HA, HA, HA, HA!” Ash laughed [] as he ran out of the underground room, “See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya!“

“So what do we do now?” Brock asked.

Wait to be a useful plot device? Oh wait… it’s my fanfic. That would never happen.

“Wait and listen. [For the screams… ]” Misty wispered. 

Suddenly there was a, what sounded like a, expositon

Surely not exposition! In my fanfic, impossible!

and screams. 

“It worked!” Misty laughed happily.

The hair clip was supposed to cause explosions?!

Ash and Pikachu ran through the hallway to the closet. Ash took the Poke’balls and right when he was about to leave, 

“Your under arrest for pokemon stealing.”

 Wait what?

“Officer Jenny?” Ash asked.

Way to arrive at the most inopportune moment and get completely the wrong idea, Officer.

NEXT TIME ON PCL, Officer Jenny arrests everyone but Team Rocket. Team Rocket makes off with the rest of the lab’s pokemon (not to mention Brock’s). Ash and Pikachu are only in jail for a week before Team Rocket turns their bed into a trap bench and throws them into one of their many cages to make off with them. Officer Jenny was conveniently looking the other way at the time. Eventually Officer Knows-What’s-Up hires a hit squad to kill Ash and Pikachu on sight as they are obviously armed and dangerous jail skipper-outers. A year later, the lab, already suffering economically from the pokemon thefts of last year, explodes in a freak Togepi accident. Misty and Brock happen to read this in the newspaper and feel bad that they ever made fun of the late Ash Ketchum’s dreams. Then Brock and Misty proceed to break out of jail with explosive hair clips.

Ash is Rescued (For Now): Pewter City Lab Pt 4

Chapter IV: Closet Notes

Jessie pushed Ash and Pikachu into a closet,

Welcome back everyone! This chapter is starting with promise.

and before shutting it tight she said, “We will be back for you later!”

 Don’t believe her!

She shut the door.  James and Meowth come around the corner with a huge lock.

Where the hell did they get that? I just imagined them lugging in a human sized padlock and if that wasn’t suspicious behavior that the lab security missed I don’t know what is.

They snapped it in place. 
“If that Brat is here, then the others would be around here somewhere.” James said. [“Lets go tell them what we’ve done. Tee hee!”]

“Yea, then we will trap them and forse them to give up there poke’mon, [or seriously push our luck too far and ruin all our plans. I can never tell which!] or Ash and Pikachu will get it.” Jessie laughed. [“Don’t know what “it” is but I’m sure we’ll figure it out later.”]

“Yea, and we won’t give them up anyway!” Meowth laughed. [“Let’s just continue to shout out plans in public for everyone to hear them. BTW I think we should go rob a bank. And steal candy from some baby orphans… Sure hope no one hears how we plan to dominate the world later tonight. Cause that would be mighty inconvenient.”] Team Rocket walked away.

Like pimps, I’m assuming.

“I can’t take it anymore. We have to find them!” Misty said pulling Brock. The lady blocked her path. 

“Your not going in there!” The lady said angery.

YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Sorry, that needed to be said.

“Wanna bet?” Misty said punching the lady in the face. The lady fell back unconise.

Wow. That happened… didn’t it?

“OW! It really does hurt when you punch someone!” Misty moaned.

I’m sure your fist doesn’t hurt as much as that lady’s face… Way to be insensitive, Misty.

“Bulbasaur, I choose you!” Ash said bring him out of his pokeball, “Bulbasaur, try to break down that door with your ravar leaf.” Ash yelled.

Bulbasaur: Seriously? Ravar?

“Bulba, SAUR!” The leaves cut through the door, but just enough for Ash to stick a note out that said: 

HELP, we are stuck! 
signed, 
Ash and Pikachu

This is dumb on so many levels… Pikachu’s signature is a freaking pawprint with pikachu written underneath. As if they needed to know who it was from. Would they only rescue him if both he and pikachu signed the damn thing?

ALL Ash, Pikachu, and Bulbasaur could do now was hope that someone will see the note and help them out.

Hopefully someone with a pickaxe… or a key. Preferably a pickaxe. Would be more interesting.

Misty and Brock ran down the maze of hallways. “How do we find them, through all these hallways? It’s like a maze!” Brock asked. 

 Good job.

“Just keep looking!” Misty called to him. 

“Can we rest for a moment? I tired to running. [I also hungry. Me tummy roaring. I like food.]” Brock said leaning against a door. Suddenly, two razor leaves sliced through the door on both sides of Brock [Aw, damn. Missed.], leaving two small holes. Brock, scared stiff, fainted.

Doesn’t take much, does it?

“Brock! Brock?” Misty yelled to the unconises [The unconises strikes again!] boy [“Stop being unconscious!”] laying on the floor, “Are you OKAY?”

ARE you? Are you OKAY? Because if you ARE I’ll stop YELLING at YOU like THIS!

Brock slowy opened his eyes. “Two leaves,” Brock muttered, “two razor cut leaves tried to slice me apart.”

Misty: Dammit. They missed.

“That nonsense only Bulbasaur could… [Or a Weepingbell or Chikorita or other grass type pokemon could easily produce the same attack.]  Ash!” Misty said running to the door. A note lay on the ground.

They could have shouted through the door and had been heard better. See how stupid this note is now?

It said: [Tracey was here.  ]

HELP, we are stuck! 
signed, 
Ash and Pikachu

Why did this stupid note need to be repeated? I must have thought you guys would forget it. No such luck!

Misty pounded on the door. “Hello? Anyone there?” She yelled at the door. [“If not then this note was very misleading!”]

“Pika, Pikachu!” Pikachu said running to the door, and scratching at it.

“What is it, Pikachu?

Exasperated Pikachu is exasperated.

Something wrong?” Ash asked.

By the way, why can’t they hear Misty shouting through the HOLE they just made in the door?

Ash returned Bulbasaur to his Poke’ball and walked over. Pikachu motioned to the door. Ash and Pikachu put thier ears to the door. [But not the holes…] Suddenly the door bust open, smashing Ash and Pikachu behind it.

Ash is crushed and flatlines… again.

“Ash? Pikachu? Are you in here?” Misty called walking into the room.

The note indicated the room across the hall actually…

“Here we are, Misty.” Ash muttered behind the door. Misty shut the door, and Ash and Pikachu fell out from behind it.

What did she bull rush the door? Couldn’t she just open it?

“Oh my gosh! Are you guys okay?” Misty asked. 

“Perfect.” Ash moaned. [“Like peaches!”]

“Pikachu!” Pikachu moaned [“F you, Misty.”] agreeing with him. 

“Here. I’ll help you.” Misty said helping them up. 

“Misty, you and Brock better leave now! Team Rocket is….” Ash got cut off. 

“Team Rocket! What are they doing here?” Misty asked. [“Are they are here for the tour too?!”]

“After you, to steal your pokemon.” Ash continued.

Well that’s kind of egotistical. They might have been after the lab’s pokemon too. Geez, Ash.

“They will never take them from me.” Misty boasted.

Just like they’ve never taken them from you before… 

“They will threaten to kill me and pikachu if you don’t.” Ash said.

Course now that you’re free, that last statement is null and void if you just freaking walk out of here.

“Got me there.” Misty muttered. 

“You have to find Brock before Team Rocket finds him.” Ash said quickly. 

“Don’t worry he is right over ther…. uh oh!” Misty said staring down the emtey hallway.

He exploded while they weren’t looking! The shock of finding Ash was just too much for him!

“What do you mean “uh oh”?” Ash said angreyly.

Brock sat down listening to Ash and Misty talk, when suddenly a fring pan comes from, who knows where, and knocks him unconise.

Brock’s just having a shitty day, isn’t he?

They last thing he hears is, “Good shot, Meowth.”

NEXT TIME ON PCL, Team Rocket locks Brock into an impenterable closet. He slips notes out from under the door but because he doesn’t sign them, no one comes to his rescue. Ash, Misty and Pikachu, afraid that Team Rocket are still stalking them, flee the country. Later the lab is bought by Professor Oak who swiftly turns into a pokemon gym of his own. And two months later the whole thing is blown up in a freak Togepi accident. Brock is found in the rubble, remarkably still alive, going on about “ravar leaves”.

Ash Gets Captured, Escapes, And Gets Captured Again: Pewter City Lab Pt 3

Chapter III: A Wild Team Rocket Appears

“The lady seemed very nervous. She really didn’t want Ash and his friends to meet him.

Or her stunned silence is just a natural response to Ash’s attempt at wit.

Tokapi walked right past the lady and starting to walk in to the Large Lab.

Wow. Good job.

“TOKAPI!” Misty said tring to get past the Lady. The women held her firm and wouldn’t let her get to Tokapi. [“Sorry. Only characters driven by plot past this point.”]

Ash snuck past the lady and followed the pokemon into the large Lab.

What did I tell you? Only plot driven characters.

Ash lost Tokapi in crawed room

I really have no idea. Like lobster claw? Or Crawfish? Iunno… Honestly the writing in this section only gets worse from here on out.

and couldn’t find Tokapi anywhere. He saw scienists everywhere. He had to hide. Ash ran into a room that was filled with white coats.

…a closet, you mean?

“Perfect!” Ash said smiling.

Ash put one of the coats on. The door Knob moved. Ash hid behind a box of trophes.

Why are there trophies in here? For what? Wouldn’t they be on display?

The door opened. 

“Oh, no! Not them!” Ash wispered.

Let’s see. We’re about eight pages into the story now… Team Rocket, perhaps?

“Oh this is a purrfect place to steal poke’mon.” Meowth said walking in.

Totally called it.

“With all thoose lab rattata and raticate we should at least get a bit of credit.”

Why is Team Rocket raiding this random closet anyway? What did they want to disguise themselves in white coats too? Don’t they already have a plethora of costumes to chose from without having to raid other people’s closets. It’s not like this lab’s uniform is that sophisticated that they needed to steal an exact copy…

“I wish we catch that Pikachu. Then we would be in the money!” Jessie sighed.

Hey Team Rocket. Look behind the box of suspicious trophies. I left a present there for you.

Ash was in panick. What would Team Rocket do to him if he was caught? Ash looked around him and found a box full of dotor hats and masks.

Okay. I’ve officially given up trying to understand this random ass closet. I wouldn’t be surprised if Ash found fake wigs, sparkly body glitter and ballerina shoes too… Actually that would make more sense.

“Prepare for Trouble, Team Rocket!” Ash wispered. [“Or not. Honestly, I was just trying to be witty again. I’m not very good at it yet.”]

Ash put a hat on. It looks like a shower cap my mom uses, Ash wondered.

Wow… I think I’m gonna let that one go actually. 

He then put on the mask. How do they breath in these? Ash thought.

I have an odd misconception of what doctors and nurses wear. Well, at least this is the closest these stories have gotten to accurate.

Ash took a gasp of air and walked out from behind the boxes. 

“Ahh! A Doctor!” Meowth screamed and then wispered, “Act normal.”

ROFLMAO! 

“Oh, Hi Doctor. We were just…. going to get these coats ironed!” James lied. [“Right after our credibility.”]

It’s working! Ash thought to himself.

Well duh. It’s Team Rocket. You could have come out in a cow costume and they’d probably be just as deluded.

“Your pretty small to be a Doctor.” Jessie pondered aloud. 

Quick Ash! Whip out your 30 year old voice!

“Um, I’m small for my age.” Ash said tring to hide his voice. 

“That voice sounds might familar.” James smiled.

Not old enough, Ash! Try for 40! 

“Uh, oh!” Ash said under his breath. 

“Meowth, scratch attack now!” James and Jessie yelled. 

“AHH!” Ash screamed as the cat’s claws approached his face. Meowth cut through the costume reveiling a boy dressed in a black shirt and Blue jeans, with a blue and white jacket. On his head was a red and white baseball cap. 

 I finally write description but I really couldn’t have picked a more inappropriate and jarring time to do so.

“YOU!” Team Rocket screamed. 

“Hi?” Ash smiled nervously.

“You got to let me pass! My poke’mon is in there!” Misty yelled. 

“We will get some guards on it.” The lady said reaching for her walkie-talkie, ”[Go! Epic laziness attack!] Security! Poke’mon lose in the building.” 

“How many?” 

“Just one.” 

“What kind of Poke’mon.” 

“A baby Tokapi.” 

“We’re on the case.”

If the lady had simply said “Security. Be on the lookout for a baby Togepi loose in the building.” there would have been no need for that pointless exchange of dialogue. And wait… does this mean there’s only one security guard in this so assumed massive labyrinth of a lab? Maybe that’s the flaw you should point out Brock. There! Right there! I’ve just solved the problem! Brock can take back his lab and we can all go home now!

Misty took Walkie-talkie and yelled into it. “Find my Tokapi!”

“Calm down, Misty. Hey where did Ash go?” Brock asked. [“Hope he didn’t fall into another cardboard box.”]

“Uh, oh!” Misty, Pikachu, and Brock said together.

Someone’s going to win the Best-Friends-Ever award!

“Why should I help you?” Ash questioned. 

Meowth took a claw and held it up to his face. “see this? You going to help us or your going to resive lots of scrachs on your face. IS that clear?”

Going to do lots of what to his face?

“Crystal.” Ash muttered.

Speak for yourself. The rest of us are still trying to figure out if you’re still in the random ass closet or not.

“Miss, Their is a boy missing too! His name is Ash Katchem. Small, dark hair, age 10. Find him too please.” Misty plelded. 

“I’ll do the best I can. [Which is not very good at all.]” The women said reaching for her walkie-talkie again. 

“MISTY! What did you do that for? [We don’t want them to actually find Ash! Then they might actually find him! Gawd Misty. Geez. Pashaw.] Now they are going to find him and kick him out, With us!” Brock yelled.

Yeah Misty. What the hell. Stop being a good concerned friend. You’re making Brock look bad.

“Sorry, where is Pikachu?” Misty searched. 

“This time don’t tell them!” Brock wispered.

This way if they find Pikachu, they can just assume he’s a dangerous wild animal and shoot him on sight. Tee hee.

Pikachu wandered down the hallways. It had no idea where to start looking for Ash. [Hurray!] Every now and then Pikachu had to duck in the shadows so not to get caught by a scientist. Then to Pikachu’s altomet suprize [Yeah iunno.] he saw Ash coming out of room. 

“Pika, Pika!” Pikachu called running to Ash. Pikachu had no idea what trouble it was getting into. 

Pikachu leaped into Ash’s arms. Once Ash relised Pikachu was in his arms Ash [dropped him?] put him on the ground [Aw damn. So less funny.] and shoed him away. Pikachu didn’t understand and started hugging his leg. 

“No, Pikachu!” Ash wispered trying to kick him off. 

“PIKACHU!” Pikachu said thunder shocking Ash.

Pikachu’s aiming for the What-Are-Friends-For award.

Ash tried his best not to scream but it’s kind of hard not to.

Yeah. Hard to imagine holding in a scream when you’re being shocked by so many volts of eletricity.

“AHH!” Ash screamed. 

Jessie, James, and Meowth came running out of the room dressed up as docters. They saw Pikachu immently. They didn’t even pay attention to Ash who was laying on the floor [smoldering] not far away. 

“Oh, so you did have Pikachu with you. Meowth, get the net gun.” Jessie called.

Net gun. For all your evil netting needs, choose the gun that gets it done. Net gun.

“Pikachu, run!” Ash barely wispered. 

Pikachu ran as fast as he could through the hallways. After 20 minutes of running [What was he, running in circles?], Pikachu fell, too tired to move any farther.

What did he run into a hamster wheel for 20 minutes? This doesn’t make sense!

“Now I have you!” Meowth said pointing the gun at Pikachu.

“NOO!” Ash said jumping in front of Pikachu.

Where did he come from?!

The gun blew. Ash got stuck in the net. [ANTICLIMATIC!] Pikachu tried freeing Ash but Meowth came running over. 

“Pikachu, forget me! RUN!” Ash yelled. [“Again! Cause it worked so well last time!”]

Pikachu fled.

Yeah. Don’t bother looking conflicted about the decision either, Pikachu.

Meowth followed with the rest of Team Rocket not far behind. Ash sat there stuck in the net. He was powerless to save Pikachu now.

Kind of hard to jump in the way of future net gun attacks when you’re already in a net.

“You’re coming with us!” Jessie said grabbing the handle of the net.

The net has a handle? What?

Pikachu ran through the hallways. It saw the back door. Pikachu ran even faster. Meowth had a cage on the other side of the door. Pikachu was running really fast and couldn’t stop in time. Meowth shut the cage door.

…Okay. I know it makes no sense. Just trust me, Pikachu’s captured too now. ANTICLIMATIC TO THE MAX!

NEXT TIME ON PEWTER CITY LAB, while Brock, Misty and the nameless tour guide lady are fretting about the missing Togepi, Team Rocket waltzes right past them with the netted Ash and Pikachu potato sacked over their shoulders. Eventually the lone security guard happens across Togepi who turned out to be only five feet from the lobby where the rest of them were being held. However, because Ash couldn’t be found- Brock sues the lab for being too big and labyrinthy and gets his gym back. Everyone lives happily ever after except for Ash and Pikachu who get sold on the black pokemon market.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

 

 

Chapter of Foreshadowing: Pewter City Lab Pt 2

Chapter II: Premonitions of Togepi Explosion

“What, What!” Ash and Misty said bursting through the door.

Inside Ash and Misty came upon Brock’s father holding the missing pokemon ray gun pointed at them- having turned Brock into a onyx. The monstrous pokemon was thrashing about knocking Ash, Brock’s Dad and Misty to the floor. Then, without warning, the magical cardboard box that Ash had been carrying in his pocket ripped through the dimensions tossing the trio and Brock’s father into the black abyss of time. All while Brock’s father was screaming “I AM NOT YOUR FATHER! I’M REALLY JAMES IN DISGUISE! BTW I TOTALLY DIDN’T SEE THIS COMING AT ALL.” (See last two stories for details.)

Inside they saw Brock was tring to strangle his father.

So less cool.

Brock’s face was bright red. Ash stepped between them. 

“Move, he needs to die! He sold my gym and turned it into to a lab.” Brock yelled.

Sounds as good a reason to kill someone as any given via Detective Conan criminals. 

He stole the last bowl of cocoa cocoa puffs. I go coo-coo for cocoa cocoa puffs!

“It is a most impressive Lab.” Brock’s father choked.

Brock’s father is a master at making a bad situation worse. “BTW, I may or may not have sold your mother’s ashes to them too.”

“SHUT UP!” Brock shouted. 

“Stop it. I’m sure your father has a perfectly good reason why he sold it. Right?” Ash asked. [“Think of a good reason or I’m feeding you to the wolves.]

“Well, I tried to care for the gym but people kept beating me. I lossed lots of money and became the laughing stock of the city. This man came to the gym one day and offered to buy. It took a minute but I finally sold it too him.

It took him an entire minute to decide. 

There is one way to get it back, if you find a flaw in their work you get the lab back.” The father finished.

Well that’s a rather glaringly obvious loop hole. Is Team Rocket running this lab? Wait, I forgot. I wrote this. Of course Team Rocket is running the lab.

“That settles it. Tomorrow Misty, Ash, and I are going to the Lab.” Brock snickered.

Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen!

“Ash, wake up!” Misty wispered into Ash ear. 

“What?” Ash wined. 

“I wonder what the Lab will be like.” Misty wispered.

Odd reason to be struggling to sleep. Like they think they’re going to some infamously haunted house. It’s just a lab.

“Just tell tokapi it will be alright, it makes you feel better.” Ash said dosing off. 

Misty turned around to see Tokapi sleeping soundly in it’s slumber bag. Beside Ash was a snoring Pikachu. Everyone was asleep except for her.

Yeah. And why is she awake again? What does Misty have a paralyzing fear of scientists or something that’s keeping her up? Oh no! Not Schrodinger’s Cat! Anything but that! Blaggh gurggle gurggle.

Misty woke up [“A body… mumble… in motion… stays in…Newton’s first law?!!” Misty looks about wildly. “Oh… It was just a bad dream.”] to see Tokapi walk out of the room. 

Misty followed Tokapi through the dark hallway. Everyone was still sleep at least that was what Misty thought. 

“Ash! Pikachu!

She thinks they are all asleep so she goes to wake them up? Awfully mean of her.

What are you doing up?” Misty questioned.  

Oh they were already awake. Okay. I stand corrected.

“Well, Me, Pikachu and Tokapi were hungry so we were looking for something to eat.” Ash lied. 

“You can’t sleep either can you?” Misty said.

“Yea your right. I’m worried.

What is with this irrational fear of this lab? Did I miss something?

I had a wierd dream. I dreamt thier was a big explosion in the Lab. It was made by Tokapi. It knocked down a glass fillied with some foumle and it exploed.” Ash studdered.

NONSENSICAL DREAM IS NONSENSICAL!

“That is the silliest thing I have ever heard,

Well that’s the last time Ash ever tells you anything.

but I was woried for Brock. He is probelly going to do something stupid.” Misty yawned.

Whatever gave you that idea? Surely couldn’t have been tipped off by his evil snickering and stroking of nonexistent goatee? Nothing remotely suspect about that.

Brock woke up to see noone in the room.

Brock suspected that they may have taken the plot and left without him. But he quickly chased that thought away realizing he was in one of my first fanfictions, no plot included.

“Guys?” Brock said getting out of his bed. Brock walked into the kitchen. There he saw Ash and Misty sleeping head to head each holding thier own Poke’mon.

Probably the first sign of Pokeshippy in my stories. Ashachu had a little but this was more when I think I was making a conscious effort. Course… little known fact- when I first watched pokemon, I disliked Misty. I only grew to like her eventually.

Brock fell back laughing.

THEY AREN’T SLEEPING IN A BED! HYSTERICAL!

He had never saw Ash and Misty get even close enough to hold hands. But here they were close enough to kiss, not that they would get that close. [Hint hint. Nudge nudge. Wink wink.] The laughter woke them up quick.

“What!” Ash said angery because that Brock was laughing at him.

Nah, we thought Ash angry about something else. 

“Nothing! Hurry up, I want to go to the gym now!” Brock smiled.

Misty and Ash stared at eachother.

Waffles?

The Lab was a huge building with huge doors.

If it’s a large building you’d usually assume that they’d have… large doors. Now small building with huge doors- that’s interesting.

It looked just like the old gym from the outside but from the inside it looked much different.

Excuse me while I quickly evade describing both!

They walked inside with their mouth wide open

Apparently their mouths all fused into one through their utter awe.

gapping in wonder. Tokapi walked strait in and started walking around and messing with things. Ash kept a watchful eye on her. When ever Tokapi picked something up Ash took it away and placed it where Tokapi got it from. 

“Welcome to the Pewter city Lab. [Home of dangerous exploding chemicals.] We don’t start the tours till 10:00 am [And we’re not open till 8 am so get the hell out, you damn kids.] so if you wait over in the waiting room we will be there sooner than you can say Poke’mon.” A nice looking lady said smiling.

They have tours? Rather… odd, don’t you think?

Brock’s stern face became gentle. “What’s a beautyful girl like you doing in a place like this?” Brock drooled.

“Uh… I work here?”

“We aren’t here for the tour, we are here to see the manger of this lab. [We aim to destroy its reputation so that Brock here can selfishly take it back as a poorly run gym. Oops. Did I say that out loud?] Right Brock?” Misty nudged.

“Yes, but I’ll be perfectly happy if I stayed with you.” Brock drooled.

Ew. I feel bad for the receptionist.

“BROCK!” Misty said elbowing him. “We need to see him fast. [A life is on the line! Uh, our cardboard box might explode if it rains! There’s a time limit on Brock’s lifespan! We’re halfway through page 7, Team Rocket could show up at any moment! Come on guys, you can pitch in any time now.]“

“Sorry there is no way you can see him. [He doesn’t exist!] He is a very buzy man.” The woman said shaking. 

“Poke’mon” Ash said quietly.

Aw. Ash was trying to be witty. How cute.

NEXT TIME ON THE PEWTER CITY LAB! Misty has a panic attack when she runs into a head female scientist. Brock immediately starts salivating all over her. And Ash accuses her of attempting to give explosive chemicals to Togepi. They quickly get thrown out. Meanwhile, Team Rocket is burning Celadon City to the ground. They do a fairly decent job of raping and pillaging. Their victory will be short lived however as Celadon is obviously the next place on Ash and Company’s list of random places to teleport.

 

Brock’s Dad is a Dick: Pewter City Lab Pt 1

Chapter I: In Which ____ Happens

“Bye Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu! Come back soon.”

Preferably soon or I might randomly have to take up painting my house in accordance to my feelings again.

Ash’s Mom called to her son and his friends.

Two stories in and Delia still lacks a name.

“Your mom is really nice,” Misty said rubbing her stomach. “including when she makes browie sundas.”

Brows and whatnow?

“Yea, I guess I’m lucky to have a mom like that.” Ash smiled.

Real nice Ash. Considering you know both Brock and Misty don’t have a on-screen mother.

“Where should we go next?” Misty asked.

Maybe Viridian since the only way out of Pallet goes through… Viridian.

“It is only fair. If we go to someone elses house [and mooch off their parents]. Misty?” Ash questioned. 

“NO WAY! Im not ready to meet my sisters again. [They might “like” me to death… like word, for reals, totally. Whatever braw. Peace out.]” Misty yelled. 

“Okay then it is my turn. I have been wanting to see what happened to my gym anyway.” Brock smiled.

If the title has any credence with the rest of this story, Brock will probably regret this decision.

“I hope my Dad has took care of it.”

Ooooh. I bet not.

“Well let’s stop wondering and start moving.” Ash said running with Pikachu behind him.

God. Why must my transitions always be painful?

5 days later: “That took longer than I thought it would.” Brock said

That makes one of us.

sitting down on a rock. 

“What did you supect? When me and Misty went through there it took 8 days.”

Seriously? Or did I just pull a random number out of my ass?

Ash said sitting down beside him.

I’m betting on the latter.

“That is because you got us lost.” Misty muttered.

Yeah. Though Misty deserved it for stalking Ash in the first place.

“Did not!” 

“Did too!” 

“Did not!” 

“Did too!”

“Did not!” 

“STOP!” Brock screamed. “I don’t know nor care who got you guys lost.

Brock speaks for the reading audience.

Lets just go into town. I want to see my family.” 

Honestly I haven’t had much material to work with yet. My stories aren’t usually this… normal. I wonder if aliens are about to attack in a chapter or two? Pokemon aliens. Magical pokemon aliens. Wait- pokemon already made an episode like that, didn’t they? …Well that never stopped me before. Write on Past Me. Write on.

 

When the group reached Brock’s house, they were greeted by hundreds of little children.

Apparently Brock’s parents reproduced like rabbits.

Amasingly enough, Brock knew all their names. 

“Hi, [A brother named hi?] Joey, Mickie, Megan, Ashley, Julie, Mark… etc.

Yup, that’s about all the names in my bad names dictionary.

Brock said hugging them all.

Brock has giant retractable octopus arms.

“Hi Ash, Misty, Pikachu, big bro!” They all chimed. 

“Yes. Hello Brock,” Someone behind them said. 

“You!” Brock whirls about. “Wait. Wrong ‘you’. Meant to use that indignant response for someone else.”

They all turned around quickly.

“Dad,” Brock muttered.

Even though I came all this way to see you, for some reason I am disgruntled by your presence.

“Dad?” Ash and Misty said in amazement.

Brock has a dad?

“Ash, you look more like a trainer now than ever. Last time I saw you, you looked weak. [Well… weaker.]” The father [Apparently Brock’s Dad doesn’t get a name either.] said looking over Ash.

“Thank you, I think?” Ash said sratching his head. 

“Rember me?” Misty asked. 

“Nope!” He answered. 

“Hump!” Misty muttered. [“Brock, your Dad’s a dick.”]

“Come on in. I was just making dinner.” Brock’s father said walking into the house. Everyone followed.

After that welcome, I’d doubt they did so eagerly.

Once Ash stepped inside, he got a whiff of chicken drumsticks [as opposed to what a whole chicken smells like] and choclte chip cookies at the same time. The house was filled with hundreds of children each eating a cookie. 

“The children have allready eaten, but we have chiken left over.” Brock father said pulling a bucket of chicken out of the refrigearater. 

After everyone had eatten some of the delouis chicken  they were able to talk and figure out what was happening around here. 

“So how is my gym doing? [Because apparently that’s all I care about.]” Brock asked finishing the dishes. 

“Um, fine. I guess. [In other words, not fine at all.]” Brock father studdered. 

“What do you mean “I guess”?” Brock said angerly. 

“I think we should leave.” Mickie said pushing Ash, Misty, and the other children out the door.

Apparently Mickie has octopus arms too. Runs in the family.

“I didn’t want to tell you this but your gym as been ________.” Brock’s father’s voice fadded.

NO NOT ______! ANYTHING BUT ______! F-ING ______!

“AHHH!” Brocks scream sounded all around town.

I warned you. You don’t f-ing mess with ____.

Next time on The Pewter City Lab, we find out what the hell _____ is. Hopefully. And then Team Rocket probably steals it. Temporarily. But Pikachu will get it back just in time for Ash to jump off a cliff with it. All while Brock’s dad tries to prove he’s a good host by berating them some more.

 

Thought the First Two were Awful?: Pewter City Lab

Disclaimers: I obviously do not own Pokemon. I’d be a lot richer if I did.

I’ll never run out of material if all of my stories are as awful as this one. This one though is probably my only story that revolves around Brock. I don’t think I have any other stories like this, honestly. So it deserved its own Brock banner!

Don’t think that means that Brock stars in this story however. Of course Ash will be stealing the spotlight. Someone has to try and kill himself every story after all. Anyone up for more cliff diving? This one comes with toxic explosions!