Ready? Set! Jump To Your Death!: Who Am I pt 2

 

Chapter II: Cliff Jumping

Misty and Ash ran through the woods as fast as their legs could carry them.

“Where could the path be?” Misty painted.

Ash couldn’t answer even if he had a answer to the question. His mouth was so dry that it hurt. He had cramps on both sides of his body. [Yikes. That is some terrible menstrual problems.] His feet were so sore it felt like the were about to bleed. It was about a hour before anyone said anything again.

Wait, they’re tired already? These kids habitually walk around the length of Japan. There is no way they could be tired after a little jog in the woods.

“I think we lost them by now, Ash.” Misty snapped at him, “We can stop running.”
Ash had to agree with her. The sun was setting and it was starting to get alot colder.

“Let’s keep walking then we should be able to find a place to camp. I’m sure Brock should have realised we were gone by now.” Ash laughed quietly. 

Oh, I wouldn’t count on that. 

“Where could their gym be?” Brock said searching the map.

Pikachu was searching the landscape when it saw a building that looked like a circus tent.

“Pikachu, Pik, Pika, Ka, Pika, Pika, chu!” Pikachu said tugging on Brock’s pant leg. Brock was about to say “go away pikachu”, but he rembered what happened last time.

“What is it, Pikachu?” Brock asked.

Pikachu pointed to the building.

“That’s it! Aren’t you glad I found it!” Brock laughed proudly.

Just keep lying to yourself, Brock.

“Pika…” Pikachu slapping it’s face. [“Ass.”]

Ash and Misty found a open space in the forest and made camp. Ash still had some left over matches in his backpack plus his sleeping bag. While he was taking out his sleeping bag Pikachu’s tiny little bag fell out. Ash held it for a moment then stuffed back into his backpack.

Okay. Needlessly dramatic moment is needless. You’ve been away from Pikachu for like two hours, tops.

“You miss him don’t you?” Misty sighed. She was sitting on her bag with a little baby bottle of tokapi’s in her hands. 

These two are waaaay too attached to their pokemon. I think this is good for them. No, seriously. Team Rocket did them a favor. Notice how neither Togepi or Pikachu is as torn up about being separated from their owners like Ash and Misty are. This separation can only be good for them. 

“Yea, Of course I do. I hope there are doing okay.” Ash said lighting a campfire. Sleep was impossible. They were both starving and Brock always carried the food. [That’s practical.] Ash and Misty just layed there hoping they would surive the night.

Geez. You guys are just camping in the middle of the woods, like you do like every episode. Just this time without Brock and your pokemon. You aren’t braving sub zero temperatures. The only difficulties you’ve run into this far is just being tired because you were running. Sounds like you’ll be fine. Stop being over dramatic! 

Brock, Pikachu, and Tokapi walked into the large Structure. When they came in the were lucky that the sisters had just done their last show and were starting to close up.

“Brock it so nice to see you again!” A Pink haired girl said shaking hands with him.

“Oh yes but I need to tell you…” Brock studdered.

“Where is Misty, or that cute little boy. What is his name again?” The yellow haired girl questioned.

“Ash. I think he is Misty’s boyfriend or something.” The Black-ish-Blue haired girl said shyly. [Or something.]

Also… why do none of them deserve names? It’s the case of “Ash’s Mom” and “Brock’s Dad” again. Family members don’t get names. I guess we should count our lucky stars I didn’t name them “Misty’s older sister 1, 2 and 3”. 

“That is what I was tring to tell you! They are gone, missing disappered!” Brock yelled.

Brock acts like he needs to clarify what “gone” means despite no one asking him to.

“GONE!” The girls gasped.

“By the way, Brock, is it? Disappered is not a word! [Especially when you spell it that way.]” The yellow haired girl corrected.

Ash woke up with a start. He thought he heard screaming. He was drenched in sweat. The screaming continued. Ash looked at Misty, she was up too. The Screaming started to get louder and closer. [Woah. This is actually pretty creepy!] Misty almost screamed herself but Ash stopped her.

By… what method? I’m left to assume it was by shushing her.
Misty: -inhales-
Ash: SHUUUUUUUUUSH! I’M TRYING TO LISTEN!
Misty: 
Ash:  

A new voice joined this time, “Get your claws out of her arm, Meowth!”

Ash and Misty quietly, but quickly put out the fire and packed up their stuff. When they got everything they ran off into the deeper woods.

I don’t blame you guys. Can you take me with you? 

After James was able to get the sleeping Meowth’s claws out of Jessie arm, he kicked Meowth in the stomach.  [Dude! Still animal abuse!] Jessie fell down tired from all the screaming she did. But she fell on a emtey box of matches. She looked into the dark woods and to her suprized saw two people running.

“Bingo.” She smiled. [“Was his name oh.”]

“RUN!” Ash screamed [It’s like all that running we had done before was utterly pointless to the plot, ne?] at Misty once he relised that Team Rocket was following him.

“I am, I am!” Misty yelled back. [“LOOK OUT FOR CLIFFS!” “OF COURSE!” “NO, I MEAN SERIOUSLY. LOOK OUT!” “I KNOW ASH, GOD. YOU’RE THE ONE WHO FALLS OFF THEM ALL THE TIME.” “I KNOW. THAT’S WHY I WANT YOU TO LOOK OUT FOR THEM. I’M GOING OFF THE NEXT ONE WE PASS.”] Ash and Misty came to a huge down hill. [Ash: AT LAST!] “We would die if went down this!” Misty gasped.

Ash: LET’S DO IT!

“I’m willing to take that chance.” Ash said [Wait, what? Seriously?!] pulling Misty down the hill with him. [I was just kidding, Ash!] They gained more and more speed as they went down. [Also, f-k you, Ash. Maybe Misty had something left to live for! She really misses her Togepi!]

“ASH! [I F-KING HATE YOU!]” Misty screamed pointing to the cliff ahead. [Yup. Ash’s favorite thing ever.]

“Hold on!” Ash yelled. 

To what? This isn’t a roller coaster, Ash. You are committing suicide!  TEAM ROCKET’S SANDWICHES WEREN’T THAT BAD! 

“You wouldn’t?” Misty screamed, [Where have you been the last three stories?] then she looked strait into his eyes. “You would?” [She is actually only surprised that he’s willing to take her with him. What an asshole.]

Suddenly they ran right off the cliff and into the air screaming. Team Rocket didn’t dare follow.

Because SURPRISE! SURPRISE! they are actually the smart ones.

“James go after them.” Jessie screamed.

“You! Your always the one who wants to maintain your faluous figure.” James screamed back. [Kinda hard to maintain after being crushed to death.]

“On the concrete?” Jessie shreked.

Ha. Ha! Was that a joke? Did I actually make a joke that made me laugh?

“I don’t think any of us should go down there, if we want to come out alive.” James stated.

Jessie and James stared at Meowth. Their eyes watched him hungreyly.

“Are you think what I’m thinking.” James studded. [OH MY GOD! Seriously guys! Animal abuse!! Like I seriously need to report this to someone!]

“Go Meowth, GO!” James and Jessie cheered.

Meowth was in a weelbarrow, snoring as he speed into a tree. 

Yikes.

“Ow, oh, ew!” Jessie said turning the other way.

“That has got to hurt.” James gasped.

RIP Meowth. He died as he lived. Headfirst into a tree via an out of control wheelbarrow. 

Next Time on WAI, …I really don’t know. Like, three people just died. Maybe we should take a break for a funeral. 

During which Brock whips out a thesaurus to describe all the different ways that Ash, Misty and Meowth are now dead… gone, deceased, passed away, no longer alive, asleep, buried, lifeless, departed, cold, stiff as a board, dead as a doornail, bereft of life, cadaverous, checked out, snuffed out, rubbed out, done for, erased, expired, inanimate,  inert, no more, offed, perished, pushing up daisies, resting in peace, gone to Davy Jones,  gone to meet their maker…

Speaking of which. I already told you. It’s been a week and look who’s died! 

An accurate representation of God’s face.

F-k Sandwiches: Who Am I Pt 1

Chapter I: Pitfalls Work For Once

Ash woke up to smell eggs and bacon. He licked his lips and followed the smell to Brock who was cooking Breakfast. Misty, Tokapi, and Brock had already eatten.

“Pikachu breakfast!” Ash called to Pikachu.

It’s Pika-licious!

Ash sat down on a log and gobbled down some eggs and orange juice. He gave pikachu his bacon. They both ate in a hurry, today they were going to Cerulean city to meet Misty’s sisters and see how they are doing. Misty was real nerous. She hated her snobby sisters and their poke’mon (well, mabe not their poke’mon.)

Yeah. Leave your unjust hatred for just family members please. 

“Cheer up Misty it can’t be that bad.” Ash said between eating.

“Can we please go somewhere else.” Misty said sqeezing her poke’mon (tokapi).

What is it with Brock and Misty in my stories having troubled family lives? Brock hates his father and Misty hates her sisters. And in my latest Pokemon fanfiction I make Ash hate his mom. FULL CIRCLE! 

“Misty, if squeeze Tokapi any more it’s eyes will bust. [Which would be surprisingly graphic for a kid’s show.] Besides we already told them we were coming.” Brock smiled.

“Then retell them!” Misty yelled choking Brock. [That we are coming?]

Team Rocket was prepared this time making another stupid trap.

Even the narrator is getting fed up with the incompetence of Team Rocket.

“Keep digging! this is the only trap that actally works on these brats [aside from the ray gun and accidental cardboard box time machine which worked perfectly well but we refuse to acknowledge in this story].” Jessie yelled.

“Patch up the hole, they are coming!” Meowth yelled.

Team Rocket patched up the hole [Then what was the point of the hole? You mean covered?] and ran into the bushes. The whole group came down the path. Brock, Pikachu, and Tokapi walked right over the trap and kept going down the road.

“You made it too strong!” James hissed at Jessie.

Ash walked half way across, when he turned around. Misty was tring to go the other way. Ash grabbed her and pulled her down the path. Ash and Misty were too heavy.

The fat cows.

“AHHH!” Ash and Misty screamed as the hole apeared under them. The rest of the group was too far ahead to hear them.

Great friends, those. 

“HA, we caught them!” Meowth laughed.

“It’s Team Rocket of course.” Ash frowned.

“Oh, please don’t say your motto. I just took a nap!” Misty yelled at them.

Oh, sick burn.

“Let Misty go. You don’t want her.” Ash said angerly.

“No way! Since we didn’t catch Pikachu, She will take it’s place. [She looks just like Pikachu, after all! Will totally trick our boss.] We need your poke’mon, then we will use you two as bait to get Pikachu.” Meowth laughed.

Misty looked at Ash, expecting him to get an idea. His mind was blank. 

Oh! It’s started already! Team Rocket’s last comment has sent Ash spiraling into amnesia. 

“Here you go.” James said handing Misty and Ash a sandwitch for lunch through the Bars of the cage. They were now in Team Rocket’s secret cabin. Misty and Ash both looked at each other. Ash droped the plate on the ground and stepped on the sandwitch and gave it back to him.

Lolwat? I love how he just gave it back. Like, here you go! F-k you, btw.

“Well, if you don’t like my cooking you could just tell me!” James sobbed.

James is very proud of his sandwich cooking.

“I had it! You can starve if you two want.” Jessie screamed. “Just don’t come running to us when you get hungry.”

Kind of hard for them to do in a cage.

Ash sat down at the bottom of the cage, his stomach was killing him. He was so mad, that Team Rocket stole his poke’mon, that he wanted to hit something. Instead something hit him.

“Get up! We need to get out of here!” Misty screamed after slapping him on the face.

Damn Misty! You know how sensitive Ash’s brain suddenly is in a story called Who Am I? You are just adding to his impending brain injury! 

Brock, Pikachu and Tokapi were still going down the road when Tokapi was too tired to move on. So Tokapi was expecting to have Misty pick her up, but instead she saw nothing.

“TOKAKI! TOKA!” Tokapi cried. [Togepi smash!]

“Misty will you take care of Tokapi?” Brock called without even turning around.

Tokapi stopped crying and started walking behind Brock again. Pikachu was getting thristy. Pikachu turned around expecting [his vampire thrall to realize he needed his regular intake of blood] Ash to relise Pikachu wanted a drink and give him a sip from his water bottle like always, but he didn’t see Ash.

“Pika! Pikachu!” Pikachu said tugging on Brock pant leg.

Little known fact. Brock’s full name is in fact, Brock Pantleg.

“Not now Pikachu!” Brock said opening the map.

“Pika, Pika, Pika, CHUU!” Pikachu said thunder shocking Brock.

“What is it Pikachu.” Brock muttered.

Only mildly annoyed after being electrocuted… Perhaps Brock as a rock trainer is electricity retardant?

“Pika!” Pikachu said pointing behind them.

“Hey Ash and Misty are gone come on lets go back and look for them.” Brock then disided something. “Maybe we should go to Cerulean city first. We can get help there. It’s only a mile away.” Brock said going up the road.

Yeah. Even though they are probably just down the road, whatever. Let’s keep going. They are probably fine and not kidnapped by TR. Let’s just leisurely continue on our way. It’s not like Ash is going injured somehow.

There’s no cliffs on this road, right? Duhur!

The fire slowly burned out.

“We ran out of fire wood. Me and Meowth will get some more. [It is extremely important that we only leave one person to guard our prisoners.] You stay here and watch them. [It makes sense, shut up.]” Jessie said throwing James the keys. Jessie and Meowth walked out of cabin door quietly.

“James, I feel like one of sandwitches now.” Misty smiled.

She feels like a sandwich?

Ash stared at her like he could almost read her mind. [That makes one of us.] Ash smiled broadly.

“Oh, that’s great! I will be right back.” James smiled walking out of the room [What room? I thought they were camping in the woods… with a campfire]. A few minutes later he came back, “Here!” He said holding them the plate through the cage. [Apparently not though. I scrolled up and saw a brief mention of a cabin door so I guess they are in a cabin somewhere.]

“Thanks!” Misty smiled grabbing on to his wrists. She pulled him forward and made him smack his head on the bars. He fell back, knocked out cold.

Another wasted sandwich.

 

“You need to teach me that trick someday!” Ash laughed. 

Or you could just, you know, do the same thing she just did in front of you. It’s not really a martial art move. 

Ash grabbed the keys from James pocket and opened the cage door.

“FREE!” Ash and Misty laughed. Misty and Ash both lifted James up and threw him into the cage [Apparently they have super strength now. They did that pretty effortlessly]. They locked the door and threw the keys into the fire place. Ash took a match from his backpack and took some sticks and set the keys on fire.

You know. Cause keys are super flammable.

Misty found all their poke’balls in a box by the fire place and fled the cabin.

“James! What are you doing? Napping on the job?” Jessie yelled waking James up.

“And you wasted a perfectly good sandwitch!” Meowth said taking a huge bite out of the sandwitch.

“Don’t eat that!!!” James and Jessie yelled. [IT IS COVERED IN TWERP FOOT GERMS!] Meowth  swallowed. [In all seriousness though, ew. Don’t eat that.] Meowth suddenly fell fast asleep.

The hell?

“I put sleeping pills in it to make those brats fall asleep, and keep them from running away.

They tricked me and exscaped.” James sighed.

“You Blockhead! I told you to watch them not fall asleep on the job.” Jessie screamed.

We are still on this? Unconscious and sleeping are not the same thing! 

“Sorry!” James wimpered.

“Oh lets just get you out of that cage. By the way, how many pills are in the sandwitch?” Jessie wondered.

“Enough to put Meowth asleep for  months.” James smiled.

So they just effectively put Meowth into a drug induced coma… Good. 

“Great!” Jessie said kicking meowth in the stomach. [Geez! Animal abuse!] “Well, might I as well start the fire.” Jessie said turning towards the fire place. “How did the fire start again?”

“THE KEYS!” James screamed.

THE KEYS!!!!!!111

 

Next time on WAI (which is the perfect abbreviation for this story)…

Ash and Misty meet up with Brock who has completely forgotten who they are. SURPRISE! It’s actually Brock who got amnesia. Off screen. When no one was paying attention. Figuring this is as a good a reason as any to dump Brock, the two seek out the next nearest comic relief to become the third wheel of their party. 

Misty’s sisters pick up subway sandwiches for dinner. Ash and Misty take one look at each other before stamping the hell out of a couple of footlongs.

Yup. There is no joke here.

Meanwhile, Jessie yells at the comatose Meowth for sleeping on the job. And James tries to figure out how to put out flaming keys despite not even quite knowing how they are on fire in the first place. 

Prepare For A Lot Of Cliffs: Who Am I?

Disclaimers: I do not own Pokemon. If I did, Ash would grow up already!

Somewhat ironically, I cannot remember this story. I’ll be going in blind with all you guys. All I know is that Ash loses his memory and (I think) joins Team Rocket. And also, cliffs. There are a lot of cliffs and jumping off cliffs.

Honestly I believe this was my more underwhelming story ideas. It pales in comparison to the majesty that was Pewter City Labs and Back to the Future. But I hope that it will still earn a ton of laughs.

Brock Is The Biggest Asshole Ever: Pewter City Lab Pt 9

Chapter VIIII: Everyone Survived (Somehow)

Pikachu and Bulbasaur got on Pigeotto and flew down the cliff. They searched the waters high, and low for a half an hour. Pikachu then senced something. [Seanced? Wow. Even his pokemon think God won’t send Ash back. Maybe he shouldn’t have.]  Bulbasaur told Pikachu they had already searched that part of the water and Ash couldn’t have held his breath for 30 minutes. [He can if he talks to God, derp. Also 30 minutes? God really went on and on didn’t he?] But sure enough out of the water came Ash.

He was struggling to keep afloat. Pigeotto flew closer.

Ash tried to stay above the water but he was too tired.

“Squirtle I choose you!” Ash said swallowing a mouthful of water. Squirtle came out of his poke’ball and lifted Ash above the surface. Ash then relised that soon squritle would be tired. [He only just got into the water! Have some faith in your pokemon, Ash! Geez, first Pidgeotto and now Squirtle.] He couldn’t pull Ash all the way. Suddenly Pigeotto flew down with Pikachu and Bulbasaur on his back.

“I have in Idea.” Ash said. [“It’s so good it deserves to be capitalized.”] Ash found a spare poke’ball and pointed it at Bulbasaur. “Bulbasaur return.” Bulbasaur did as he was told. [Well, that’s it. That was my plan. Good work, guys.] Pikachu leaped into Ash’s arms. “Pigeotto, squirtle I will need your help.” Ash called.   

“Someone said they saw a small boy fall of cliff not far away.” Brock said to the group. [“It has to be Ash. You know how he can’t resist cliffs.”] 

“Ash! or it could be Jessie.” Misty pondered. [“Probably Ash. Most likely… definitely Ash.”]

“Whatever! We need to call Officer Jenny. She can help us search the lake.” Brock said staring at the endless crater filled with water.

What a strange way to describe a lake. I think Brock has a grudge against large bodies of water.

“I don’t think we have to, look!” Misty said pointing at something speeding towards them.

Needless suspenseful build-up is needless.

Ash was rideing with pigeotto on his shoulders pushing him along, [How can Pidgeotto be pushing him? With what arms?] sqirtle pushing his feet, [What? Why? What?] pikachu in his arms sleeping soundly [Slacker!]. He was going to shore, fast. Ash felt the winds blow past him. He felt like he was surfing.

So I know what I was trying to describe here. But it really doesn’t come across does it. Sounds he just made it more complicated with two pokemon needlessly pushing him instead of just one leading him back to shore. It’s not like this was happening in the middle of a storm. The weather is calm and Ash is like, no my water pokemon can’t possibly handle water! What?! 

On shore, Misty, Brock, and Tokapi could belive their eyes. When Ash reached the land, he returned all his Poke’mon expect, of course, Pikachu.

“Is it really you?” Misty asked.

Good think she checked before the inevitable welcome back kiss.

“Yes, the last time I cheaked.” Ash smiled.

Misty rethinks the welcome back kiss.

“Just to be sure, what do you still own me since I first met you?” Misty questioned.

“This is not the greatest time to ask for a new bike.

I’m hungry, and look what I caught.” Ash said opening his back pack. Inside were 3 plump fish and 1 smaller one. “We just need to cook them.” Ash smiled.

The acts that followed were swift and unspeakable.

“Yummy! That was delious, Ash.” Misty smiled liking her lips. [Did they just eat a bunch of magikarp and goldeen?]

“Brock is the one who cooked them.” Ash said taking Pikachu’s and his own plate to the sink.

RIP.

“How did you ever ecape Team Rocket?” Brock asked. “And back into your old body?”

“It a long story.” Ash commeted. [“Let’s never speak of it again.” ]

“Well, The people at the lab gave me back the gym, and…” Brock contiuned. “I sold it!”

 Oh my f-king god. What?!

“What?” Ash and Misty screamed. “To Who?”

No. I’m sorry. What? What? After all that?  YOU F-KING SOLD THE GYM?

 ASH BECAME A WOMAN FOR YOUR SAKE! 

“To a young boy who promised to make a gym out of it. [ HE HAD A WHOLE CONVERSATION WITH GOD!] He had quite a nice Charmander with him. [ HE- Wait…] I have seen him before but I forgot his name. [LOL. ? He’s back?]” Brock finished.

“Well, At least we don’t have to go there again.” Ash smiled.

“Pika!” Pikachu laughed.

“Tokapi!” tokapi said falling asleep in Misty’s arms.

“I wonder what happeaned to Team Rocket.” Ash pondered.

Well, that was pretty out of character. Most of the time, Ash is just like “TR? Who cares!”

“I’m going to kill you!” Jessie screamed At James and Meowth. “We had him and Pikachu, but you let them get away!”

“Sorry Jess but we got confused and didn’t know which is which, so just on the safe side, the cage can’t be to uncomtyable.” James smiled locking the cage door.

Well, that’s an oddly dark note to end on.

THE END

EPILOGUE: Bryan did indeed get control of the Pewter City Lab and returned it to the prosperous gym it had been once again. That was until a freak Togepi explosion finally wiped the gym off the map, ten years later. However, at this point, Pikachu and him were happily honeymooning on Professor Oak’s private pokemon island. 

When James and Meowth finally let Jessie out of the cage, she in turn captures them in a cage. In her defense, she claimed not to know if they were who they said they were either. This back and forth eventually ends in Team Rocket going their separate ways in the quest to capture Pikachu. Thankfully Ash and company manages to bring them back together by blasting them off one more time into each other’s arms. 

A week later, Ash falls off another cliff. God is less than happy to see him. 

 

Special Guest Appearance From God: Pewter City Lab Pt 8

Chapter VIII: Ash Dies

Ash woke up. He expected to be back in his old body but he wasn’t. James and Meowth didn’t know that. Good thing. Jessie hadn’t woken up yet. They were waiting to throw him in the cage as soon as he opened his eyes. Ash quietly sunk past them and opened the cage and Pikachu jumped into his arms. Ash hugged Pikachu and started for the door.

“STOP!” Jessie screamed waking up.

Well, that’s unfortunate.

    “Uh oh!” Ash and Pikachu said together.

James and Meowth quickly relised that it didn’t work. James and Meowth ran after him. Ash opened the door and shit it [Um. ] behind him. SMACK! BANG! Meowth and James both ran strait into the door.

TR seems to be defeated by doors often in my universe.

“Do I have to do everything myself?” Jessie muttered.

Ash and Pikachu ran as fast as they could through the woods. [Shit, there’s a cliff up ahead, isn’t there?] Suddenly Ash and Pikachu came to the dead end. A huge cliff that led down a canyon. [ And at some point, Ash is going off it.] The drop looked like it went down forever.
“Prepare for trouble!” Jessie yelled running towards them.

lol wat?

Ash suddenly had a huge headache. Jessie missed them and ran right off the cliff.

Jessie failing; featured above.

While she was falling she fainted. Ash was so dizzy he fell down to the ground.

Chekhov’s gun at its finest.

Ash woke but he didn’t even look around him before he knew what was happeaning.

Either Ash has extreme cognitive response times or this drop leads to the center of the earth.

“Bulbasaur!” Ash screamed.
The Poke’mon landed on a small edge. Ash saw the ground [This is to reassure us that he’s not falling forever in a endless void.] still far away but coming closer [I think people who skydive fall faster]. Bulbasaur tried to grab Ash with his vine but Ash was just to heavy. Bulbasaur fell of the legde he was on and started pulleting [ew what?] with Ash to the ground.
“Pigeotto!” Ash screamed. Pigeotto came out of his Poke’ball. “Pigeotto, get Bulbasaur to safety!” Ash screamed.

Wait. What? Why didn’t you just return Bulbasaur and try to use Pigeotto like a makeshift parachute? I mean, Pigeotto knows fly in the game so technically it should be able to carry Ash’s weight. ASH YOU DUMB. YOU CAN’T POKEMAN. 

Pigeotto grabbed Bulbasaur and flew to the top of the cliff. Ash knew Pigeotto could of saved him [LOLWAT?] but he knew Bulbasaur then would have the fate he has now [OR HE’D BE SAFE IN HIS POKEBALL YOU BIG DUMMY!]. Underneth him was a lake but the water wouldn’t save him.

At the rate that Ash has been falling, I’m pretty sure he somehow jumped off at the top of the world. Yeah, the chances of survival are pretty slim.

What Ash should have done, seen here.

Pikachu saw Ash faint (or the Ash in Jessie’s body). [Still confusing!] Pikachu ran away from Jessie just in case she woke up. When Pikachu made it in the bushes It looked off the egde again. [Sentient bushes? The hell? And they are concerned about the depth of this cliff too!] Suddenly Pigeotto appeared carring Bulbasaur. No Ash.
“Pika!” Pikachu sobbed.

He’s clearly mourning the loss of that hat.

Ash opened his eyes. All around him was bright lights.

Oh.

“ASH!” A voice called. Ash looked around him, he seemed to be floating in the air. Uh, oh.
“Ash, so you figured it out.” the voice called.

Oh god no.

“I’m to young to be dead!” Ash yelled to the voice!
“I know, but so are alot of other people who come here.”

No. Wait. Stop. I did not just-

“But my family, friends, Poke’mon.” Ash cried.
“Don’t worry, Ash. You’re not staying here long.”
“What?” Ash called.

Am I seriously reading a fanfic I wrote where Ash has a conversation with God?!  The f–k is this?!

 

“You are very brave, Ash. You were not to die but Bulbasaur is the one that was to come.”

ASH THIS COULD ALL HAVE BEEN AVOIDED IF YOU COULD JUST POKEMAN!

“Not Bulbasaur! I’d rather stay here than have Bulbasaur die!” Ash cried. [“But returning him to his pokeball, no. No, that makes no sense. It’s not like we made those devices to make our Pokemon portable or anything.”]
“We don’t want you or your Bulbasaur yet. You courage saved a friend, and your life too. We will allow you to go.”

I would ask why God would do this for Ash and his pet dinosaur but not like any other self sacrificing hero ever, but I’m thinking the answer is BECAUSEBADFANFICPLOTHOLELAWLS.

“Thank you.” Ash repiled.
“No thank you. Until we meet again, Ash. Your bravery will be rembered by us. [We in heaven will always remember the time one boy was too stupid to return his Pokemon to his pokeball and decided to fall to his death instead.]”

What if God was just trolling? He sends Ash back to his crushed body just long enough for Ash to drown. Then he returns to heaven all pissed off.
Ash: Da faq was that?
God: Got ya! God don’t work like that. Next time return your Pokemon, dipshit.

Ash swam to the surface of the water. he breathed in the air. Was that God?
[ WHY WAS THIS IN MY FANFIC AGAIN?] Ash thought to himself. Who ever he was he called me brave. Wait till I tell Misty. [I’d love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation.] If I tell Misty, I might be going back to that place [FIRST RULE OF HEAVEN, DON’T TALK ABOUT HEAVEN.] if I don’t think of how to get out of this lake.

NEXT TIME ON PCL, God! Body swapping! Cliffs! Talking bushes! I don’t give a shit anymore! It’s almost over!Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! 

Aiohdfjhdfoiehjbfdsjfdfdoiejfenlflndskldfnkldfnk!!!111111

Ash and Jessie Both Suck At Acting: Pewter City Lab Pt 7

Chapter VII: A Tangy Victory

Jesse/Ash fell to the ground.

Oh. He died. Guess the story is over then. 

“Ahh! Jessie are you okay?” James and Meowth said tring to wake him up. 

It worked! Ash thought to himself.

James: Hey, Jessie didn’t faint like a girl at all! WE’VE BEEN TRICKED!  

Ash pretaned to wake up. 

“Oh, few! We thought we lost you!” James said nerously. [“We were unbelievably happy for a second… not because we thought you were dead! It was… for some other… reason…”]

“Where am I?” Ash acted. 

“At our cabin in the woods.” Meowth answered. 

“Oh, how did I get here?” Ash asked meanly [Meanly? How can you ask meanly? Ash: TELL ME HOW I GOT HERE NOW, MAGGOTS!! PLEEEEEASE!!!] (still acting) [Because we might have thought he stopped. ]

“We took you here! What was the last thing you rember?” James asked. 

Ash was afried they would ask that. Leave it to James to think it up.

There’s a simple answer to this question. But I don’t think Mr. Doesn’t-Know-Boys-and-Girls-Pass-Out-The-Same-Way is clever enough to think of it. He could just pretend he doesn’t remember anything…

“Um, I rember chasing that brat,” Ash stoped.

Or you could do that. That’s fine too.

His (or was it Jessie’s?) heart started pounding.

Since you are in Jessie’s body, I’m going with Jessie’s heart.

Is that what she calls me or is it twrip?

Actually I think she calls you Twerp. Or go with Turnip. That’s closer to the spelling you were going for.

Ash screamed in his head. [Ash–> ]

“Go on.” Meowth said breaking Ash’s thoughts.

Team Rocket is just that dumb. Well… they did fall for the pretend fainting fit.

Ash/Jessie sat nervously on the hospital bed.

Okay, we are back to Jessie. Or Jessie inside Ash as it were… This story just makes every sentence I write seem wrong.

Doctors were all around her. She looked at her hands. No! Could it be? [These chunky trunk-bits can’t be mine! They aren’t even properly manicured!] Jessie thought. She got out of bed, the Doctor eyes followed her.

These doctors seem to have a striking resemblance to a certain collection of ponyo nurses from the future.

They’re back?

She looked into the mirror. 

“AHHH!” Jessie screamed at her refettion. [Her what?] Ash! Jessie fell to the ground, out cold.

Now that’s how you pass out girl style, Ash. Jessie’s a born pro. Or rather… you are. Gah! Head hurting.

“I think we should find team twrips and get thier Pikachu!” Ash acted.

He’s a really bad actor.

He wondered if Pikachu would recoince him. But wether Pikachu did or didn’t he still had to find him. Jessie must be in his body and if that’s true. She has control of all his Poke’mon and maybe even Pikachu.

“We should also get in our Meowth Balloon and say our motto… that I can’t remember at the moment. But you start James and I will repeat after you. Man, I just love stealing pokemon. And our organization is the bomb. Yup, I’m Jessie alright. And  a girl too. With girl parts.”

“Me and Meowth put a tracking deive in Ash’s coat.

That’s convenient. If by deive I mean device. If not then… I have no idea what they put in his coat.

We will find him quick. He is now in the hospital.” James smiled. [“Kicking kids in wheelchairs is fun!”]

“Good, I sure there is alot of Poke’mon we can steal there.” Ash studdered.

They probably keep them all in nonsensical closets.

But all Ash had in mind to steal or in his case save was his poke’mon.

Jessie woke with hundreds of doctors all around her.

It’s the ponyo nurses’ male counterparts! Look out! They’ll eat your soul!!

She had to act like the twrip to get out of here. 

“Where am I?” Jessie asked in her most Ash like voice.

Apparently both Ash and Jessie think alike in acting like each other…

“Your in the hospital. Ash are you okay?” Misty said pushing her way through the crowd with Brock and Tokapi behind her. Pikachu leaped on Misty’s shoulder. 

“Fine but I feel funny,” Jessie acted. [“My voice hurts. How does Ash… I mean, how do I talk like this?”] In her mind she want to say: get away from me you swanny [?] little brat, but then she would be taken to the ER for a Cat scan.

That’s a little dramatic. But Misty would certainly feel offended. I mean… being called Bella Swanny? That’s harsh.

“You acting very weird. You called yourself Jessie. And you told the doctors to Prepare for trouble while you were sleeping.” The Nurse said calmly.

Wow. Subtle.

“I don’t rember saying anything like that.” Jessie acted.

Nice save. Need to teach that one to Ash.

“You mind’s to small to rember anything.” James called behind them.

OH HO! BURN! 

“Hey!” The Ash in Jessie body said angrly, but then he regretted it.

Everyone is doing so well today. 

“He wasn’t talking to you Jessie!” Meowth laughed. [“Silly girl. She’s been so mixed up since she breathed in those noxious fumes.” ]

“get ready to…” James started. Their was a silence. “Jessie!” James hissed. 

“I told you I not saying that stupid motto.”

 Le gasp! She insulted the motto! By Team Rocket laws then she must die!

The Ash in Jessie body yelled.

Why does this sound so wrong? 

“Please Jessie, I can’t say it alone!” James begged. 

“Than don’t say it at all.

I guess Ash just gave up trying to pretend to be Jessie.

 It is a waste of time and it’s boreing.” The Ash in Jessie’s body snapped.

 

Jessie:  You take that back right now!!

“Ash and Jessie both are acting strange.” Brock wondered. [“What ho! My first speaking part for the past ten or so pages. Odd considering this story was supposed to be about my lab…”]

Pikachu bounced off Misty’s shoulder and into Jessie’s arms.

Brock: I DEMAND MORE SPEAKING PARTS!

“Why are you going with the bad guys, Pikachu?” Misty yelled.

Pikachu: I’m after the boobies, of course. 

Pikachu leaped into Ash’s (or Jessie’s) arm. So Pikachu does know me, Ash smiled to himself.

Or he likes my new boobies. 

“Pikachu, what are you doing?” Misty asked again. 

Pikachu snugged in Ash’s (or Jessie’s) arms and refused to let go.

The boobies thing just seems more and more true, doesn’t it?

“Jessie come on! We have Pikachu.” Meowth said grabbing Ash’s (or [or this is getting old] Jessie’s) leg. Ash had had enough of acting like Jessie or tring to. [Or ultimately failing at, more like.] Ash kicked Meowth off his (or her) [sigh] leg. 

“I’m not Jessie! I’m Ash Katchem from pallet town!” Ash screamed.

Now would be a good time to give someone special a cat scan…

“You can’t be I’m Ash!” the Jessie in Ash’s body yelled. “from Palete town.”

“It’s pallet town!” Misty said to who seemed to be Ash.

Seemed not to be Ash anymore though.

“Ash would never forget the name of his home town [Unless he had severe brain trauma. Which a cat scan might help discover!]  and how did Jessie learn it!” Brock asked aloud. 

Well she could have looked it up on a map, honestly.

“I know this sounds crazy but I think Jessie is Ash and Ash is Jessie.” Misty said. 

“Correct!” Ash in Jessie’s body said happily.

CAT SCANS FOR EVERYONE! WHAT DO YOU SAY?

“Wrong, wrong, wrong!” Jessie in Ash’s body yelled. The Jessie in Ash’s body cam up behind the Ash in her body and threw a net over him [The hell? Where did she get a net?] and Pikachu and then a separate net over the rest of the people in the room.

Apparently she planned this… while she was unconscious on a hospital bed.

“So long suckers!” Jessie in Ash’s body said runing off with Team Rocket [This is just too weird. ] and Ash in Jessie’s body and Pikachu in the net being dragged behind.

So wait. What happened? I don’t understand!    

“Let us go!” the real Ash yelled.

No Ash in Jessie’s body anymore? Gotten kind of old hasn’t it?

“Hurry up Meowth and make that fomalu! [What? Fomalu? Was I even trying?] I want to get back into my body.” Jessie yelled. [“I sure hope no one heard me say that out loud. It could be taken so wrong…”]

James opened the cage and grabbed Ash or in his case Jessie. He forsed him into a chair and pried his mouth opened.

Whoa. Wait. Where the hell is this going? This seems to be heading in a rated R direction!

Meowth gave James and Jessie each a bottle of Blue liquid.

???

Ash stuggled but James poured it down his throt. It was a tany flavor, Ash hated it. Jessie gulped it down quickly. To her it tasted like vitory,[Victory tastes like tang.] she loved it.

Chemical abuse! Huzzah!

Ash and Jessie saw the world spin.

Next time on PCL, will Jessie and Ash regain their own bodies? Or will they die horribly after having just ingested a beaker of sodium hypochlorite. I’m voting for the latter. Oh and will the rest of the gang get out of the horrible net trap?

Seen here. 

 Will Brock ever get a speaking line again? Remember that lab plot? Yeah. What ever happened to that? Stay tuned!

 

Ready For Things To Get Really Weird?: Pewter City Lab Pt 6

Chapter VI: Body Switched

“You broke into the lab to steal poke’mon, and the proff [Professor Oak?] is in your hands.”  Officer Jenny said stenly. [ly?]

“No, these are mine [, stupid.].” Ash replied. 

“Pika!” Pikachu agreed with him. [“Ash talks in his sleep… It’s a best friend thing.”]

“Ash!” Misty yelled running into the room. “Officer Jenny, those Poke’balls belong to me and Ash. [I know you were just talking about them because I can read minds!] We had to hide them cause Team Rocket was tring to steal them.” 

“Some of them are mine too.” Brock said walking in. “Ash saved them from Team Rocket.”

Misty: Um… actually… I hate to uh- break this to you, Brock…

Sudenly a egged-shaped poke’mon walked past the door. 

“TOKAPI!” Ash screamed. [ NOOOOOOO!!!]

Ash ran after Tokapi down the hallway.

Leaving his friends at the mercy of the misguided Officer Jenny. He’s such a good friend.

 Team Rocket saw him pass.

Oh you guys are still here, are you.

“After him!” Jessie screamed. 

Ash, relizing team rocket was following him thew a bouncy ball over his shoulder. [What the hell?] Meowth stopped and ran after it. 

Up ahead a scientist [stopped what he was doing and ran after the deus ex machina ball too?] was pushing a cart of boxes [ time machines?] Ash and Jessie [Don’t fall in!!] both bareing missed running into it. James didn’t. [And he fell into a time and space paradox. Never to be heard of again.]

Jessie finally caught Ash by the coat [Coat? Oh well I guess that jacket kind of qualifies.] and stopped him. “Now you are going to pay!” Jessie screamed lifting her fist high it the air ready to punch Ash in the face.

Well, her anger is justified here. I mean he did just help wink James out of existence.

But Tokapi, only about 3 feet away, was on a table.

Let me guess. Togepi is going to use metronome. Oh wait. Maybe he’ll jump off the table and use an actual attack on Jessie. Or maybe he’ll evolve into togetic and seriously do some damage?

It lifted a bottle filled with something [Oh.] and threw it to the ground. [Oh.] BOOM! The explosion eccoed across Pewter City. […Oh.]

Well maybe they all died? That’d be a nice change of pace. But wait… no. I see there’s another page here. Yay…?

Officer Jenny heard the sound and ran to the noise with everyone falling behind her.

Jenny: Well clearly this is all Ash’s fault.

Suddenly a egg-shaped poke’mon flew [flew?] past Officer Jenny and right into Misty’s arms.

So… the explosion propelled Togepi… forward… or was it backwards… instead of up… but how is it in one piece? and… aw forget it.

“TOKAPI!” Misty said happily hugging her Poke’mon. 

“You kids get out of here. I’ll find Ash.” Officer Jenny said runing towards the smoke. 

I’m assuming she cocks her gun after saying this.

“What a Women!” Brock drooled.

Apparently Jenny just multiplied herself before running in. They can do that you know. Joys too.

Jenny saw the smoke ahead. The smoke was a strange color of Blueish-purple.

Are there Ashachus in this smoke cloud? Please say no.

She took out a hanchif [Yeah… I dunno.] to cover her mouth and nose. The smoke stung her eyes but was easy to see through:

If it stung her eyes it wouldn’t be that easy to see through…

She saw Ash laying on the ground not far away,

Oh good. He’s just dead. Whew. Was worried there for a second.

beside him was Jessie. She didn’t have time to save both of them. She grabbed Ash and fled out of the smoke.

And… she just left Jessie there. No time to go back for her huh? She’s such a good police officer.

“James, I found her!” Meowth yelled to James. They were in Suba diver’s suits.

Where did those… you know what? I don’t care anymore. Deus ex machina just breeds in these old fanfics.

Meowth and James picked Jessie up and carried her out of the smoke.

And wouldn’t scuba suits be completely useless? Unless they actually were lugging around airtanks… God, my lack of logic astounds me.

After they got Ash to a hospital, Officer Jenny, Misty, Tokapi, Pikachu, and Brock waited in the waiting room, 

When the doctor came out, he was smiling.

He takes pleasure in sick patients apparently.

“Ash Katchem,” He called. They all crowed around him. “will be fine. He just needs to stay overnight in the morning.” [The morning overnight… Whatever. He needs to stay. I LOVE HIM OKAY?]

“Can we see him?” Misty asked. 

“Sure and you can sleep overnight at the hotel next door.” The doctor replied. […out of the way.]

“Well, the work is done. Bye.” Jenny said walking out of the waiting room.

She’s got more innocent people to persecute elsewhere.

Ash was sleeping soundly when Misty, Tokapi, Brock, and Pikachu walked in. Pikachu bounced upon the bed. Pikachu sniffed at Ash and suddenly sparks flew from his cheeks.

“IMPOSTER. HE WEARS NO HAT!!”

“NOO! Pikachu what are you doing?” Brock said picking Pikachu up, away from Ash.

“Pika Pikachu Pikachu!” Pikachu said. [“THE LACK OF HAT COMPELS ME TO KILL!”] 

“What?” Brock asked. 

“Pikachu said, “That isn’t Ash”.” Misty translated.

I still don’t know how the water pokemon trainer can speak pikachu.

Brock stared at her. [Apparently Brock doesn’t either.] “Ash taught me.”  [LIES!] Misty smiled. [“He talks in his sleep…. It’s a best friend thing.”]

“Pikachu what are you talking about. Of couse that is Ash!” Brock laughed.

Sadly I suspect that Pikachu is right… as much as I hate to believe my story went in that direction. I suppose it was only a matter of time though. Just wait, the next story is about amnesia. Just as any budding fanfiction series should be.

The Next day Jessie woke up quickly, but she wasn’t quite herself. 

“AHH! Team Rocket!” Ash screamed.

Wait what? Where’d he come from?

Meowth and James gave her a akward look.

Oh wait. Ash is Jessie… I foresee this getting confusing.

“What do you want with me?” Ash yelled. 

“Are you okay?” Meowth said feeling her forehead. 

“I’m fine, where did you take Pikachu?” Ash said angerily.

Not even phased by Meowth stroking her/his/its forehead? How does that even work anyway?

“We haven’t caught him yet. rember that boy, Ash keeps getting in the way.” James said starting to get worried.

Only starting?

“I’M ASH!” Ash screamed. 

 Way to go, Ash.

“No, your Jessie, me Meowth, he James.” Meowth said worring alot too. [“He Tarzan. She Jane. Ignore them though. They aren’t important.”]

 

Ash woke up [Or is this Jessie?], but he wasn’t quite himself. [Wow. Same transition.] He looked around the hospital room. He saw pikachu sleeping soundly in a sleeping bag not far away. Ash slowly tip toed up to Pikachu, and right before he grabbed Pikachu, Pikachu woke up. 

“_Pika, Pika, Pika, PIKA, PIKACHU!” Pikachu said thundershocking Ash. 

“AHHH!” Jessie screamed. 

Officer Jenny pops her head in the room. Jenny: “Well, this is certainly all your fault. BTW you are all horrible pokemon thieves. I’m going to go arrest the hospital receptionist for no good reason now. Kthxbai!”

 

“How can I be Jessie unless… Ahh! I’m in a girl’s body

Any other adolescent boy would have been thrilled by this predicament.

and not any girl’s body, I’m in JESSIE’S! [It could be worse. What if it were Misty?] Well, it could be worse. I could be in [Brock’s?] in Misty’s body. [Haha. Predicted it.]” Ash thought aloud. [“At least Jessie has a nice rack.” ]

“A… are you sure you don’t want to see a doctor?” Meowth asked.

I don’t think she/he/it should really have a choice at this point.

“Of course not.” Ash said angerly. [“Believe me, god dammit! I’m not going to even try to play this careful!”]

 

“What happeaned!” one of the nurses said running. 

Ash hid under the covers and pretaned that he was sleeping.

Kinda hard to do that after just getting fried by Pikachu…

“Ash, are okay?” The Nurse asked. 

Ash lifted the cover off him and looked around the room. [“What? I think you’re missing a word there.”] “Me?” She asked. [Ash is suddenly female!] “Are you talking to me?” 

“Of couse, anyone else in this room named Ash?” The Nurse asked.

You don’t know. There might be!

“My name isn’t Ash. It’s Jessie. My name is Jessie.” Jessie said.

Wow. I thought at least Jessie would play it safe. I guess my characters are just blunt and stupid… and for some reason I’m surprised by this.

 

Ash was confused.

Are we going to keep switching between these reveal scenes? They are getting pretty old…

The Jessie body with Ash in was confused or Jessie/Ash.

Sorry past self. That doesn’t really help with the confusion.

Jessie/Ash didn’t know what to do, then he got a idea: How about, I act like Jessie to trick Team Rocket.

Wow. Little late for that. You already gave yourself away.

At least they will stop asking if I’m okay. First things first, I need to pretane to faint so they will think I got my memory back.

Oh come on. That won’t work… oh wait. Forgot. Crappy fanfic. Alright go ahead.

How do girls faint? […The same as guys? Just a guess.] Jessie/Ash pondered.

“Are you okay?” The Nurse asked. 

“fine!” Ash/Jessie [Yeah… this whole Ash/Jessie and Jessie/Ash is really not working.] snapped. 

“You don’t seem right.” The Woman said [You sound like you’ve been body swapped.] putting her hand on her head.

Wait on her own head? What does that accomplish?

“Get your disgusting hand off my make-up!” […] Ash/Jessie yelled.

Well, that’s something that Ash can never unsay.

“Make-up!” The Nurse laughed. [“With that face you’re clearly not wearing any!]

“What?” Ash/Jessie yelled. 

“Who ever heard of a boy who wears make-up and has a name like Jessie!” The Nurse laughed.

Actually, Jessie can easily be a boy’s name. And actors wear make-up all the time… Ignorant twat.

“I’m a girl! Aren’t I?” Ash/Jessie asked.

It’s probably not a good sign if you have to ask.

NEXT TIME ON PCL, Officer Jenny finds out that the smoke did affect her. But seeing as she was body swapped into another Officer Jenny’s body it took her weeks to notice. And when she did notice, she quickly gave up trying to convince anyone of it. “I’M JENNY! JENNY FROM SAFFRON. Oh f-ck it.” In the meantime Jessie/Ash and Ash/Jessie continue to confuse the hell out of my readers. They both try unsuccessfully to blend in with their new bodies. Jessie can’t resist the impulse to steal Pikachu. And… Ash enjoys being Jessie a little too much. Wow… I just felt dirty writing that. Oh and Brock gets his gym back. But at what cost?

Yup, Ash is Captured Again: Pewter City Lab Pt 5

Chapter V: IT’S A TRAP

“We have to split up!

Because it’s backwards day! And we need to do the opposite of what would help in this situation!

You go that way, me and Pikachu go this way.” Ash yelled to Misty and running down the hallway. 

After a while of looking for Brock, Ash and Pikachu sit on a bench [ It’s a trap!!!] to rest. Suddenly the bench tilted back to a trap door.

Oh crap. I was right! …Who the heck would think of booby trapping a bench? What if they didn’t sit down?  TR probably had a hundred of these things littering the hall in the off chance they would sit down. There were probably pictures that if you stared at them too long would make a pit hole open up beneath you. And trash cans that eat you if you used them. TR MAKES USEFUL TRAPS!

“AHHH!” Ash and Pikachu screamed [“THIS TRAP IS ILLOGICAL!”] falling back through the hole.

“Ash?” Misty said looking through the hallways. A few moments ago she heard the most blood-chilling scream.

Apparently the trap door opened out into a wood chipper.

She couldn’t find him anywhere, or pikachu.

Finding Pikachu is just an afterthought. Ash is the important one!

Misty turned the coner and to her altoment suprize […is it a bad sign when even I don’t know what I was writing?] stood Brock. He looked dazed, or confused. [Or both. Or neither. He seemed confused that his face hadn’t decided on an emotion.]

“BROCK!” Misty ran to hug him.

“Why [do you abuse the caps lock]?” Brock trailed msteriously. 

“What?” Misty asked. 

“Team Rocket had me in a cage,” Brock said starting his story.

What is with my TR and cages? Where do you get human sized cages anyway? Is there an abundance somewhere? Is there a warehouse where you can buy cages for humans or other large animals? Like for circuses?

“They knocked me out and put me in a cage.

Ah, ignore me. My logical questions will just distract you from Brock’s amazing story.

At first they were planning to take my poke’mon. Then they changed their mind and let me go. [Riveting, isn’t it?] They said something about a trap bench [Lawls] and finally catching something.” 

“Ash! They are trying to catch Ash’s Pikachu and kill Ash!” Misty screamed.

Aw too bad, Team Rocket. You’ll have to try harder at being vague next time.

“Of course! We need to warn Ash and Pikachu!” Brock said.

Wow. He’s slow on the uptake.

“I think it’s alittle late for that.” A voice said behind them.

Geez. The Twerps seems to excel at getting hoodwinked in my story. Multiple times too. You’d think they’d expect Team Rocket to be standing behind them anytime they take too long of a pause… I know I do. 

Misty and Brock turned around quickly to see Team Rocket standing behind them. They had beside them a tied-up and gagged Ash. No Pikachu was seen.

Guess there was a wood chipper after all. 

“What do you want?” Brock said angerly.

“Yea and why, now, start gagging people?” Misty asked.

Odd question…

“He bit my hand!” Meowth yelled showing a red paw. 

“Good work, Ash!” Misty laughed. [ “Good work pissing off the people holding you hostage!”]

“Shut up!” Jessie hissed, “The reason we are here is to make a deal. Ash for your poke’mon, deal?” 

“What about Pikachu?” Misty asked. 

“Noway, you are just lucky we are giving him up.” Meowth snickered. [Because human trafficking isn’t beneath us at all!]

“I will do anything to save a friend. I’m in,” Brock said handing them his poke’balls.

But apparently his pokemon aren’t friends. Nice. Good job not hesitating at all there, Brock.

“Great, now we can add them to Ash’s poke’balls.” James snickered. 

“Ash may be annoying but he still owns me that bike and I want him to buy it for me before he dies.” Misty said handing over her poke’balls. 

Her love for Ash is simply overwhelming. Ash has the best of friends.

“NOO!” Ash screamed through the gag in his mouth

He really doesn’t want to pay that bike back, does he?

but he couldn’t be heard, no matter how loud he screamed.

Ash knew what was going to happen next. [I think I know too.] Team Rocket grabbed Ash beside them and said, “Sorry but it takes 3 months to deliver a brat and sometimes they don’t always come back in a full piece.”

 Wow.

The trap door opened from underneth Ash

I’m assuming there was a picture nearby that Ash was staring at too long.

and he fell into the cage once again. Team Rocket followed behind him but landed somewhere else. Pikachu leaped into Ash lap and untied him.

That’s a talented Pikachu.

Pikachu then hugged him hard.

To make sure he was the real Ash I’m sure. CHECK HIS HAT, PIKACHU!

Ash took the gag and threw at Meowth to hit him on the head. It was okay to see Meowth to jump up and down yelling.

Oh stop being melodramatic, Meowth. I’m sure it didn’t hurt that much.

But Ash wasn’t any happier.

You could bite Meowth again. Maybe that’d cheer you up.

He may have looked calm but he was down right terrified.

You’d almost think he didn’t want to get captured, huh?

“How dare Team Rocket trick us like that.” Brock said pacing back and forth. [“How dare they act exactly like they always do!”]

“Trick you, maybe.” Misty muttered. [“I was looking for an excuse to get rid of my useless pokemon.”]

“What?” Brock asked. 

“Ash knew it. I knew it. Pikachu knew it.” Misty muttered.

Brock was apparently too busy standing there wondering what kind of confused he should look again.

“Knew what?” Brock asked. 

“Me, Ash, and Pikachu knew Team Rocket’s plan,” Misty started. “So we made a plan. [To do exactly as Team Rocket wanted apparently…  We’re so devious.] We knew Team Rocket was only after 3 things: Ash, Pikachu, and our poke’mon. Ash had an idea that we would hid our poke’balls in the closet, so that they wouldn’t be looking in the closet we switched them with the ones in the closet. The ones in the closet are emtey.

…What? I mean… this sounds like an awesome plan! Thanks for letting Brock not be a part of it. Forget his stupid pokemon, right?

I guessed they would catch Ash and Pikachu so I gave him a hair clip.” Misty finished.

She’s such a good friend.

“What’s the hair clip for?” Brock asked.

For Ash’s hair, duh.

“Just a little bit farther.” Ash wispered picking the lock.

With a hair pin right? Not a hair clip… Would be hard to pick the lock with a hair clip.

“Oh no you don’t.” Meowth said taking the hair clip away. “Nice try.”

 Good plan, Misty.

“Meowth come over here. Let’s see what’s in these poke’balls.” Jessie called to Meowth.

I’m guessing pokemon.

They opened all the poke’balls but only a quater of them had pokemon in them.

 Oh sheetz!

“Is this your idea of a joke?” Jessie screamed at Ash with the rest of Team Rocket behind her. [“BECAUSE IT’S FLIPPIN’ HILARIOUS!”]

“Now Pikachu! [DO THE HULA!]” Ash yelled kicking the door opened. 

Ash ducked down as Pikachu (from behind Ash) used a very powerful thunder shock. 

“Pika, Pika, CHU!” Pikachu yelled.

“AHH!” Team Rocket screamed as the shock hit them. After it was over, Team Rocket was fried. 

“HA, HA, HA, HA!” Ash laughed [] as he ran out of the underground room, “See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya!“

“So what do we do now?” Brock asked.

Wait to be a useful plot device? Oh wait… it’s my fanfic. That would never happen.

“Wait and listen. [For the screams… ]” Misty wispered. 

Suddenly there was a, what sounded like a, expositon

Surely not exposition! In my fanfic, impossible!

and screams. 

“It worked!” Misty laughed happily.

The hair clip was supposed to cause explosions?!

Ash and Pikachu ran through the hallway to the closet. Ash took the Poke’balls and right when he was about to leave, 

“Your under arrest for pokemon stealing.”

 Wait what?

“Officer Jenny?” Ash asked.

Way to arrive at the most inopportune moment and get completely the wrong idea, Officer.

NEXT TIME ON PCL, Officer Jenny arrests everyone but Team Rocket. Team Rocket makes off with the rest of the lab’s pokemon (not to mention Brock’s). Ash and Pikachu are only in jail for a week before Team Rocket turns their bed into a trap bench and throws them into one of their many cages to make off with them. Officer Jenny was conveniently looking the other way at the time. Eventually Officer Knows-What’s-Up hires a hit squad to kill Ash and Pikachu on sight as they are obviously armed and dangerous jail skipper-outers. A year later, the lab, already suffering economically from the pokemon thefts of last year, explodes in a freak Togepi accident. Misty and Brock happen to read this in the newspaper and feel bad that they ever made fun of the late Ash Ketchum’s dreams. Then Brock and Misty proceed to break out of jail with explosive hair clips.

Ash is Rescued (For Now): Pewter City Lab Pt 4

Chapter IV: Closet Notes

Jessie pushed Ash and Pikachu into a closet,

Welcome back everyone! This chapter is starting with promise.

and before shutting it tight she said, “We will be back for you later!”

 Don’t believe her!

She shut the door.  James and Meowth come around the corner with a huge lock.

Where the hell did they get that? I just imagined them lugging in a human sized padlock and if that wasn’t suspicious behavior that the lab security missed I don’t know what is.

They snapped it in place. 
“If that Brat is here, then the others would be around here somewhere.” James said. [“Lets go tell them what we’ve done. Tee hee!”]

“Yea, then we will trap them and forse them to give up there poke’mon, [or seriously push our luck too far and ruin all our plans. I can never tell which!] or Ash and Pikachu will get it.” Jessie laughed. [“Don’t know what “it” is but I’m sure we’ll figure it out later.”]

“Yea, and we won’t give them up anyway!” Meowth laughed. [“Let’s just continue to shout out plans in public for everyone to hear them. BTW I think we should go rob a bank. And steal candy from some baby orphans… Sure hope no one hears how we plan to dominate the world later tonight. Cause that would be mighty inconvenient.”] Team Rocket walked away.

Like pimps, I’m assuming.

“I can’t take it anymore. We have to find them!” Misty said pulling Brock. The lady blocked her path. 

“Your not going in there!” The lady said angery.

YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Sorry, that needed to be said.

“Wanna bet?” Misty said punching the lady in the face. The lady fell back unconise.

Wow. That happened… didn’t it?

“OW! It really does hurt when you punch someone!” Misty moaned.

I’m sure your fist doesn’t hurt as much as that lady’s face… Way to be insensitive, Misty.

“Bulbasaur, I choose you!” Ash said bring him out of his pokeball, “Bulbasaur, try to break down that door with your ravar leaf.” Ash yelled.

Bulbasaur: Seriously? Ravar?

“Bulba, SAUR!” The leaves cut through the door, but just enough for Ash to stick a note out that said: 

HELP, we are stuck! 
signed, 
Ash and Pikachu

This is dumb on so many levels… Pikachu’s signature is a freaking pawprint with pikachu written underneath. As if they needed to know who it was from. Would they only rescue him if both he and pikachu signed the damn thing?

ALL Ash, Pikachu, and Bulbasaur could do now was hope that someone will see the note and help them out.

Hopefully someone with a pickaxe… or a key. Preferably a pickaxe. Would be more interesting.

Misty and Brock ran down the maze of hallways. “How do we find them, through all these hallways? It’s like a maze!” Brock asked. 

 Good job.

“Just keep looking!” Misty called to him. 

“Can we rest for a moment? I tired to running. [I also hungry. Me tummy roaring. I like food.]” Brock said leaning against a door. Suddenly, two razor leaves sliced through the door on both sides of Brock [Aw, damn. Missed.], leaving two small holes. Brock, scared stiff, fainted.

Doesn’t take much, does it?

“Brock! Brock?” Misty yelled to the unconises [The unconises strikes again!] boy [“Stop being unconscious!”] laying on the floor, “Are you OKAY?”

ARE you? Are you OKAY? Because if you ARE I’ll stop YELLING at YOU like THIS!

Brock slowy opened his eyes. “Two leaves,” Brock muttered, “two razor cut leaves tried to slice me apart.”

Misty: Dammit. They missed.

“That nonsense only Bulbasaur could… [Or a Weepingbell or Chikorita or other grass type pokemon could easily produce the same attack.]  Ash!” Misty said running to the door. A note lay on the ground.

They could have shouted through the door and had been heard better. See how stupid this note is now?

It said: [Tracey was here.  ]

HELP, we are stuck! 
signed, 
Ash and Pikachu

Why did this stupid note need to be repeated? I must have thought you guys would forget it. No such luck!

Misty pounded on the door. “Hello? Anyone there?” She yelled at the door. [“If not then this note was very misleading!”]

“Pika, Pikachu!” Pikachu said running to the door, and scratching at it.

“What is it, Pikachu?

Exasperated Pikachu is exasperated.

Something wrong?” Ash asked.

By the way, why can’t they hear Misty shouting through the HOLE they just made in the door?

Ash returned Bulbasaur to his Poke’ball and walked over. Pikachu motioned to the door. Ash and Pikachu put thier ears to the door. [But not the holes…] Suddenly the door bust open, smashing Ash and Pikachu behind it.

Ash is crushed and flatlines… again.

“Ash? Pikachu? Are you in here?” Misty called walking into the room.

The note indicated the room across the hall actually…

“Here we are, Misty.” Ash muttered behind the door. Misty shut the door, and Ash and Pikachu fell out from behind it.

What did she bull rush the door? Couldn’t she just open it?

“Oh my gosh! Are you guys okay?” Misty asked. 

“Perfect.” Ash moaned. [“Like peaches!”]

“Pikachu!” Pikachu moaned [“F you, Misty.”] agreeing with him. 

“Here. I’ll help you.” Misty said helping them up. 

“Misty, you and Brock better leave now! Team Rocket is….” Ash got cut off. 

“Team Rocket! What are they doing here?” Misty asked. [“Are they are here for the tour too?!”]

“After you, to steal your pokemon.” Ash continued.

Well that’s kind of egotistical. They might have been after the lab’s pokemon too. Geez, Ash.

“They will never take them from me.” Misty boasted.

Just like they’ve never taken them from you before… 

“They will threaten to kill me and pikachu if you don’t.” Ash said.

Course now that you’re free, that last statement is null and void if you just freaking walk out of here.

“Got me there.” Misty muttered. 

“You have to find Brock before Team Rocket finds him.” Ash said quickly. 

“Don’t worry he is right over ther…. uh oh!” Misty said staring down the emtey hallway.

He exploded while they weren’t looking! The shock of finding Ash was just too much for him!

“What do you mean “uh oh”?” Ash said angreyly.

Brock sat down listening to Ash and Misty talk, when suddenly a fring pan comes from, who knows where, and knocks him unconise.

Brock’s just having a shitty day, isn’t he?

They last thing he hears is, “Good shot, Meowth.”

NEXT TIME ON PCL, Team Rocket locks Brock into an impenterable closet. He slips notes out from under the door but because he doesn’t sign them, no one comes to his rescue. Ash, Misty and Pikachu, afraid that Team Rocket are still stalking them, flee the country. Later the lab is bought by Professor Oak who swiftly turns into a pokemon gym of his own. And two months later the whole thing is blown up in a freak Togepi accident. Brock is found in the rubble, remarkably still alive, going on about “ravar leaves”.

Ash Gets Captured, Escapes, And Gets Captured Again: Pewter City Lab Pt 3

Chapter III: A Wild Team Rocket Appears

“The lady seemed very nervous. She really didn’t want Ash and his friends to meet him.

Or her stunned silence is just a natural response to Ash’s attempt at wit.

Tokapi walked right past the lady and starting to walk in to the Large Lab.

Wow. Good job.

“TOKAPI!” Misty said tring to get past the Lady. The women held her firm and wouldn’t let her get to Tokapi. [“Sorry. Only characters driven by plot past this point.”]

Ash snuck past the lady and followed the pokemon into the large Lab.

What did I tell you? Only plot driven characters.

Ash lost Tokapi in crawed room

I really have no idea. Like lobster claw? Or Crawfish? Iunno… Honestly the writing in this section only gets worse from here on out.

and couldn’t find Tokapi anywhere. He saw scienists everywhere. He had to hide. Ash ran into a room that was filled with white coats.

…a closet, you mean?

“Perfect!” Ash said smiling.

Ash put one of the coats on. The door Knob moved. Ash hid behind a box of trophes.

Why are there trophies in here? For what? Wouldn’t they be on display?

The door opened. 

“Oh, no! Not them!” Ash wispered.

Let’s see. We’re about eight pages into the story now… Team Rocket, perhaps?

“Oh this is a purrfect place to steal poke’mon.” Meowth said walking in.

Totally called it.

“With all thoose lab rattata and raticate we should at least get a bit of credit.”

Why is Team Rocket raiding this random closet anyway? What did they want to disguise themselves in white coats too? Don’t they already have a plethora of costumes to chose from without having to raid other people’s closets. It’s not like this lab’s uniform is that sophisticated that they needed to steal an exact copy…

“I wish we catch that Pikachu. Then we would be in the money!” Jessie sighed.

Hey Team Rocket. Look behind the box of suspicious trophies. I left a present there for you.

Ash was in panick. What would Team Rocket do to him if he was caught? Ash looked around him and found a box full of dotor hats and masks.

Okay. I’ve officially given up trying to understand this random ass closet. I wouldn’t be surprised if Ash found fake wigs, sparkly body glitter and ballerina shoes too… Actually that would make more sense.

“Prepare for Trouble, Team Rocket!” Ash wispered. [“Or not. Honestly, I was just trying to be witty again. I’m not very good at it yet.”]

Ash put a hat on. It looks like a shower cap my mom uses, Ash wondered.

Wow… I think I’m gonna let that one go actually. 

He then put on the mask. How do they breath in these? Ash thought.

I have an odd misconception of what doctors and nurses wear. Well, at least this is the closest these stories have gotten to accurate.

Ash took a gasp of air and walked out from behind the boxes. 

“Ahh! A Doctor!” Meowth screamed and then wispered, “Act normal.”

ROFLMAO! 

“Oh, Hi Doctor. We were just…. going to get these coats ironed!” James lied. [“Right after our credibility.”]

It’s working! Ash thought to himself.

Well duh. It’s Team Rocket. You could have come out in a cow costume and they’d probably be just as deluded.

“Your pretty small to be a Doctor.” Jessie pondered aloud. 

Quick Ash! Whip out your 30 year old voice!

“Um, I’m small for my age.” Ash said tring to hide his voice. 

“That voice sounds might familar.” James smiled.

Not old enough, Ash! Try for 40! 

“Uh, oh!” Ash said under his breath. 

“Meowth, scratch attack now!” James and Jessie yelled. 

“AHH!” Ash screamed as the cat’s claws approached his face. Meowth cut through the costume reveiling a boy dressed in a black shirt and Blue jeans, with a blue and white jacket. On his head was a red and white baseball cap. 

 I finally write description but I really couldn’t have picked a more inappropriate and jarring time to do so.

“YOU!” Team Rocket screamed. 

“Hi?” Ash smiled nervously.

“You got to let me pass! My poke’mon is in there!” Misty yelled. 

“We will get some guards on it.” The lady said reaching for her walkie-talkie, ”[Go! Epic laziness attack!] Security! Poke’mon lose in the building.” 

“How many?” 

“Just one.” 

“What kind of Poke’mon.” 

“A baby Tokapi.” 

“We’re on the case.”

If the lady had simply said “Security. Be on the lookout for a baby Togepi loose in the building.” there would have been no need for that pointless exchange of dialogue. And wait… does this mean there’s only one security guard in this so assumed massive labyrinth of a lab? Maybe that’s the flaw you should point out Brock. There! Right there! I’ve just solved the problem! Brock can take back his lab and we can all go home now!

Misty took Walkie-talkie and yelled into it. “Find my Tokapi!”

“Calm down, Misty. Hey where did Ash go?” Brock asked. [“Hope he didn’t fall into another cardboard box.”]

“Uh, oh!” Misty, Pikachu, and Brock said together.

Someone’s going to win the Best-Friends-Ever award!

“Why should I help you?” Ash questioned. 

Meowth took a claw and held it up to his face. “see this? You going to help us or your going to resive lots of scrachs on your face. IS that clear?”

Going to do lots of what to his face?

“Crystal.” Ash muttered.

Speak for yourself. The rest of us are still trying to figure out if you’re still in the random ass closet or not.

“Miss, Their is a boy missing too! His name is Ash Katchem. Small, dark hair, age 10. Find him too please.” Misty plelded. 

“I’ll do the best I can. [Which is not very good at all.]” The women said reaching for her walkie-talkie again. 

“MISTY! What did you do that for? [We don’t want them to actually find Ash! Then they might actually find him! Gawd Misty. Geez. Pashaw.] Now they are going to find him and kick him out, With us!” Brock yelled.

Yeah Misty. What the hell. Stop being a good concerned friend. You’re making Brock look bad.

“Sorry, where is Pikachu?” Misty searched. 

“This time don’t tell them!” Brock wispered.

This way if they find Pikachu, they can just assume he’s a dangerous wild animal and shoot him on sight. Tee hee.

Pikachu wandered down the hallways. It had no idea where to start looking for Ash. [Hurray!] Every now and then Pikachu had to duck in the shadows so not to get caught by a scientist. Then to Pikachu’s altomet suprize [Yeah iunno.] he saw Ash coming out of room. 

“Pika, Pika!” Pikachu called running to Ash. Pikachu had no idea what trouble it was getting into. 

Pikachu leaped into Ash’s arms. Once Ash relised Pikachu was in his arms Ash [dropped him?] put him on the ground [Aw damn. So less funny.] and shoed him away. Pikachu didn’t understand and started hugging his leg. 

“No, Pikachu!” Ash wispered trying to kick him off. 

“PIKACHU!” Pikachu said thunder shocking Ash.

Pikachu’s aiming for the What-Are-Friends-For award.

Ash tried his best not to scream but it’s kind of hard not to.

Yeah. Hard to imagine holding in a scream when you’re being shocked by so many volts of eletricity.

“AHH!” Ash screamed. 

Jessie, James, and Meowth came running out of the room dressed up as docters. They saw Pikachu immently. They didn’t even pay attention to Ash who was laying on the floor [smoldering] not far away. 

“Oh, so you did have Pikachu with you. Meowth, get the net gun.” Jessie called.

Net gun. For all your evil netting needs, choose the gun that gets it done. Net gun.

“Pikachu, run!” Ash barely wispered. 

Pikachu ran as fast as he could through the hallways. After 20 minutes of running [What was he, running in circles?], Pikachu fell, too tired to move any farther.

What did he run into a hamster wheel for 20 minutes? This doesn’t make sense!

“Now I have you!” Meowth said pointing the gun at Pikachu.

“NOO!” Ash said jumping in front of Pikachu.

Where did he come from?!

The gun blew. Ash got stuck in the net. [ANTICLIMATIC!] Pikachu tried freeing Ash but Meowth came running over. 

“Pikachu, forget me! RUN!” Ash yelled. [“Again! Cause it worked so well last time!”]

Pikachu fled.

Yeah. Don’t bother looking conflicted about the decision either, Pikachu.

Meowth followed with the rest of Team Rocket not far behind. Ash sat there stuck in the net. He was powerless to save Pikachu now.

Kind of hard to jump in the way of future net gun attacks when you’re already in a net.

“You’re coming with us!” Jessie said grabbing the handle of the net.

The net has a handle? What?

Pikachu ran through the hallways. It saw the back door. Pikachu ran even faster. Meowth had a cage on the other side of the door. Pikachu was running really fast and couldn’t stop in time. Meowth shut the cage door.

…Okay. I know it makes no sense. Just trust me, Pikachu’s captured too now. ANTICLIMATIC TO THE MAX!

NEXT TIME ON PEWTER CITY LAB, while Brock, Misty and the nameless tour guide lady are fretting about the missing Togepi, Team Rocket waltzes right past them with the netted Ash and Pikachu potato sacked over their shoulders. Eventually the lone security guard happens across Togepi who turned out to be only five feet from the lobby where the rest of them were being held. However, because Ash couldn’t be found- Brock sues the lab for being too big and labyrinthy and gets his gym back. Everyone lives happily ever after except for Ash and Pikachu who get sold on the black pokemon market.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!